loser

"You can’t always control the circumstances in life, but you can control your attitude toward those circumstances" - Alexander Lockhart

SS and English results were okay. Hopefully I'll manage to get my lappy at the end of the day (:

I think my debate, enunciation, sentence construction and impromptu suck ttm. D:

And this is really sad cos I didn't improve and I feel super loser cos speaking is supposed to be my strong point because without it I'll be a complete loser cos my essays suck ttm and that's a fact that I've accepted and I cannot memorize details so that leaves me to speaking which I have to have to have to have to do well

D:

I seriously think I'm a loser who can't seem to do anything properly. D:

Oh no, this actualization isn't that positive actually.

First PFT, then debate. C'mon manzsx, wanna fill me up with what's coming up next?

-

OKAY YUFEI.

You should try to change your thinking and improve yourself.

Ah.

Whining doesn't make a difference.

Ah ah.

You still have to face life.

Oh no ):

I will not be a loser from now on. I. WILL. NOT.

I will do well according to my own standards and stop disappointing every single damn person around me.

Maybe that will start with not crying. Severing tear glands seem to be the only way. Haiz.

school

"While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about." - Angela Schwindt

PFT was pretty obviously, screwed. But I think the most screwed part of it all is that I freaking cried for stupid things like that (yes I WILL cut off those tear glands) and injured my thigh muscles + right knee. STUPIDDDD!

It's okay. I will get some 12 min thing for 2.4 (:

Oh right. GA was surprisingly easy. Or should I say, she threw all the answers into our faces.

You know what. This is not good. I know that I have a lot of things to do, just that I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE. This is really, really badddddd. ):

Let's do a list AGAIN! (Yes shush I know I barely finished half of the previous list...)

• Bio notes
• SS notes
• Math notes
• Philo AA
• SS AA
• WSC notes
• WSC essay
• RMUN notes
• Mummy's birthday card, which is superbly belated. ):

Very apparently, this list looks a lot shorter than the previous one. Meaning that I'm making progress. Very good.

And maybe I should begin with essay or either of the 2 AAs.

-

“I could quit. But here’s the thing… I love the playing field.”

My heart aches. For her, for us, for myself.

What happened, to all of those,

Hopes, dreams, wishes of,

That shiny giant,

And a forever love.

jumbled up

"The dreams of which I'm dying are the best I've ever had." - Adam Lambert, Mad World

Yknow, this is one of the days where I serious don't care who sees it or whatever shit they think.

I seriously don't know how they lost.

Yeah okay, they made mistakes. But well, it was a lot less than them.

They were f.disgusting.

But they weren't.

And they should have won.

Because they fought with their hearts.

Unlike them, their seniors.

This shouldn't be the result.

They shouldn't be crying.

Cos they are the Champions.

Juniors, please don't blame yourself. You guys did really well, and I'm really proud of you guys. Keep the passion and the will! You guys will clinch it in the National round. I know you guys will.

(:

I will always be behind you guys, if I am allowed to.

So on a completely different note,

I'm feeling this increasing sense of shame to be related, however little, to them. EWWW.

Don't bother talking rubbish. Please always remember that you're the cause of all this.

-

RAP Symposium was pretty interesting, I must say.

Till we got to TRC and I have NO idea what it was about so the presentation (which was well, a debate) didn't make any sense.

Oh wellz.

-

I have a lot of work to do. And there's GA + PFT tomorrow. I can see myself failing PFT oh no.

That would be quite a joke, actually. Bballer to fail PFT/SBJ. Lol.

And what 30. There's no Hannah this year to scare me so that I'll get a B for SBJ. Maybe she should come back and sit in front of me again.

-

You know what, that attempt to protecting him is nothing but a complete failure. I'm sorry to say that but, it's time you come to your senses.

Ironically, it is like how much you emphasizes it all the time.

-

Love is a queer thing. It drives people up the wall.

I don't blame you for feeling this way, cos I remember when I was in [well,] love with him, I was a million times worse than you are.

Ah wellz.

Once in your lifetime, you'll meet someone worth dying for.

And the rest of the time? It'll be nothing but a childish experience. Plus a lot of unnecessary heartbreaks.

Haiz. What to do?

days

Of one thing that I am certain of, I am the reason why you guys did not
win. Sorry?

Debate was hilarious. AHEMadelinelimAHEM. Ah wellz. But we lost anyway. But it was still fun anyway. I bet I was the cause lah sounded like crap. And missed out points. Awesome? Plus lousy enunciation. RAWR.

Training was okay. Well we got to play games! I love basketball, the game. :D And there were juniors especially AWESOME CENTERS! :D So it was quite okay.

Rawr. RS tomorrow D: I WILL do well manzsx. (Cos why? Cannot fail.)

Hmm so what shall I do now? Can't think of work off my head now. I don't want to think of SS notes. ):

Ah-ha! Maybe I should do revision for GA. Yes I shall. Bye.

(:

-

imy. ):

to do list

“And i won’t forget you, i don’t regret you but the hardest thing i have i’ve to do is to live without you.” - Anna

I will never forget you, I promise.


-


To do list so far.

• Edit Ade's debate script
• Finish up on my own debate script (which includes practicing)
• REVISION AH for GA
• Non-routine problem solving...am I supposed to do it with Math PT group?
• Go figure out where's the cancer cells ppt.
• I will only start on the assignment after Dr Ng's done with QA heehee. (cos ahem I got stuck at 1b)
• SS NOTESSSSSS ):
• (Should I do notes for Philo too?)
• FILING RAWR.
• WSC notes (Poetry, Film, Lions, Arts, Music, Econs, Science, Psychology, History) RAWR x2
• RMUN research + notes RAWR x3
• WSC essay RAWR x4

And I'm still slacking. How awesome.


And I think my WSC team is super awesome cos even when there's no training, we'll still have informal trainings :D And so are our trainers cos THEY CAN COME DOWN! :D 8 numbers away haha :D


Alright alright. Nap (so that I won't get any more migraines rawr) + WORK!


(L) WSC 2010. June, don't ever comeeeee! D:

all that i've ever wanted

"Don’t let anyone tell you that you have to be a certain way. Be unique. Be what you feel." - Melissa Etheridge

They became indispensable;

Yes, I'm falling in love, again.

All I wanna do is find a way back into love;

"We talk to each other on the computer, but in public it's awkward."

A facebook group that he joined, yes.

I agree too.

imy ):

Sorry, my heart's sealed.

Well, so are my lips.

There's class debate on Monday. And training.

D:
Uh, that was just for training, btw. I really hope they come!

Oh, I like my new hairdo (:

(okay I think a lot of people are going to kill me for it but. I LOVE IT! :D)

Anyway,

1) I need to tell you a secret look at 5
2) The answer is look at 11
3) Don’t get mad look at 15
4) Calm down dont be mad look at 13
5) First look at 2
6) Dont be that angry look at 12
7) I just wanted to say I love you.
8) What I wanted to tell you is.. THE ANSWER IS ON 14
9) Be patient look at 4
10) This is the last time I’m going to do this look at 7
11) I hope you’re not mad when I say this look at 6
12) Sorry look at 8
13) Dont get mad look at 10
14) I dont know how to say this but look at 3
15) You must be really mad look at number 9

Heehee :D

-

Die le lah how to do RMUN and WSC and studies at the same time! D:

lost something

"Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something." - H. JACKSON BROWN

Training today was good.

"If your opponent say that your example is isolated when it is not, rebut by saying that they are the isolated people." - Mr Ong.

I think he's getting funnier. And nicer.

School's fine today. Nothing much I guess. I am positive that A1 is not planning to give back our essays, because he's simply too lazy to move his ass butt off his staffroom chair and pass the stack of essays to us. ==

And A2's getting excessively and unnecessarily emotional. Seriously, I had really wanted to not come for anymore of his lessons from then on.

Ohoh, I am happy! Cos my WSC essay was well written, according to Mr Tern. YAY! :D

-

Live, Love, Laugh.

One life, live it to the best.

Don't leave regrets, for it will be too late.

Love completely, you never know when the one you love,

Will not be there anymore.

Laugh; take every opportunity to invest in laughter.

It's the best medicine, after all.

Live, Love, Laugh.

What do you want to leave behind?

Sorrow? Regrets? Or footprints?

fulfilling

DIE LE DIE LE DIE LE.

I'm literally waiting for my mum to start screaming at me.

Maybe even a slap or two.

:/

Haiz, what to do? I shall NEVER touch her iPhone from now on. :/

-

Had a pretty much fulfilling and productive day with Annabelle dearest (L) at Library @ Esplanade today (: Though I really think socks in some people's mouths would do the trick. Irritating.

Thanks dear! See you tomorrow haha (: You're awesome! :D

I was staring at myself in the MRT mirror today for the entire train ride. Somehow, I saw you in my own face. And there. Opens the floodgate for memories. I realised, I miss you. For so long, I have been caught up in that tangle with him, I sorta forgot about you. I thought I was over you, since two years ago. Only today did I truly realise that it was just me lying to myself. I didn't want to be just friends, and I knew that myself, perfectly well. I didn't felt that feeling, that strong, because you had never left my side. As a friend, as a brother, whatever. I knew you loved me, and I knew I was safe with you. I knew I could always depend on you. And I had never expected it all to end. When they were all taken away from me. When he left. When you should have left. You didn't. You stayed on, maybe just a little while longer. I don't know why you stopped. Whatever. What's the point of holding on to so many things? I won't get them back anyway, at least not back to well, normal. Maybe it's because it makes me feel alive. Ironic, yes, because you are making me die inside. And maybe out too. Or maybe it's one of those double-miss virus, yet again.

I want to sleeeeeeep bye. Oh my mum didn't kill me. Yet.

losing grip

"No matter what you are doing, keep the undercurrent of happiness. Learn to be secretly happy within your heart in spite of all circumstances." - Paramahansa Yogananda

I feel that I'm a hypocrite at times. Oh no.

Looking back, I am really puzzled.

Why did I apologize for something that I wasn't even sorry for?

Double-miss is like an illness,

And the transmitter shall be telepathy.

imy ):

It's official.

I'm losing grip of my life.

I'm turning into an elitist, a bitch and I think people like the new me should just go and jump of the building.

I hate the new me.

Can someone make the new me go away and pull the old me back? ):

For once, I was contented with my marks.

And guess what was it?

YES. Chinese Lit. Lols.

And it was a freaking 3.6.

My brain's fried.

Yeahyeah, so much for contentment.

Anyway. What's love?

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'
Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'
Billy - age 4

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'
Terri - age 4

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.'
Bobby - age 7

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'
Nikka - age 6


'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'
Cindy - age 8 (like my daddy! (L) )

'My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'
Clare - age 6 (LOL)

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'
Lauren - age 4 (LOL x2)

-

A four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.
Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,
'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

-

Time to start work, I suppose.

blessings

Contentment, what a tough word to grasp.

How does one draw the line between that and striving?

Turns out, it's pretty hard, isn't it?

You always hear people saying no, stop trying so hard.

But how hard is so hard?

When do we cross over to the "too hard" or "so hard" zone?

I didn't have to do something that I didn't want to do today, after all.

And I'm glad.

A sign of contentment? Or am I just being foolish?

Being foolish to the extent that such little things appease me?

Where others only settle for Xboxes and PSPs.

"Make yourself happy."

I think these are much more important than any Macbooks or iPhones.

Because I know my daddy cares about me,

That's why he said that to me.

True words show, and true words do amazing things when spoken.

I'm grateful.

Truly.

Though people say that they feel thankful for their parents after seeing mine,

I'm still grateful.

Thank You Lord. (:

I found the reason for blogging.

It's the time I set aside for myself to think about myself.

It's important, you know.

-

LJX is threatening us with papers on Wednesday. I'm still kinda waiting for my friend to send me her RS report so that I can start on the script. Ah wells. Should I always be so dependent?

And yes, there's a stack of notes and readings waiting for me.

And I'm getting real fat.

This is saddening. Like seriously.

ALRIGHT. Time for notes + readings + I think my eyelids are threatening to snap shut.

"Realize that life is the best thing ever, and that you have no business taking it for granted." - Anna Quindlen

living my life for You

So faithful, so constant,
So loving and so true,
So powerful in all You do.

You fill me,
You see me,
You know my every move,
You love for me to sing to You.

I know that You're for me,
I know that You're for me,
I know that You'll never forsake me in my weaknesses,
I know that You have come down,
Even for me to write down in my heart,
To remind me of who You are.

A beautiful song, yes.
If The Lord is for us, who can be against us?
No fear.
I want to live my life all for You, Lord.

paradox

"We are on a journey of becoming that which we already are. That is the impossible paradox of our lives." - Leonard Jacobson

Alright this is a failed attempt to start on essay (or should I say continue) cos I have just wasted half an hour excellent.

People say; and even Times said so, that when you dream of someone, he/she wants to see you.
Imy, yes.
People also say true friends can always grow separately without growing apart.
Is that really true? How I hope so.
I don't know why guys have such a huge ego (some call it reputation, I call it ego) to uphold and upkeep.
If you miss her and love her, just freaking spit it out.

I need to exercise today. Can literally feel the thick layer of fat coating over whatever muscles I used to have.
No good.

Haiz. What to do?

Since I can't change it, all I can do is to change the way I look at it.
But how?

Okayokay. Essay time.

Scrape that. I'M DONE WITH IT YAY. :D Maybe I should start on notes.

And I think I'm a genius for this: "perfect competitions are not as perfect as they sound" :D COOL HUH.

Sorry. I think I'm going through sugar high now.

That means low tomorrow. Maybe especially during trng. SIANZ.

):

"You can do it." - Daddy, on WSC.

Thanks Dad, (:
You never know how much true words touch another life, when spoken.

metamorphosis

"We can spend our lives letting the world tell us who we are. Sane or insane. Saints or sex addicts. Heroes or victims. Letting history tell us how good or bad we are. Letting our past decide our future. Or we can decide for ourselves. And maybe it’s our job to invent something better." - Choke, by Chuck Palahniuk

Her words woke me.
It's getting scary.

I don't want to be a person that I don't recognize myself.
I don't want to be a person whose life revolves around studies and academics.
I don't want to be a nerd.
I don't want different things to define me.

I want to play basketball.
I want to go back to the days where everything was in a way, the way I knew it.
I want to jam.
I want to jam like there's no tomorrow.

I really need a balance. Maybe that's why the Lord's making me make silly mistakes like those I've made in my paper, so that I'll never get there and thus I won't ever change.

I don't like changes.
I don't want to change.
I think people are getting annoyed with the new me.
I am a freaking snob; someone who's crazy about results to a sickening extent, and should be ignored by all.
I think I'll lose all my friends soon.

There's Physics and Bio tomorrow. And I just KNOW that I'll flunk it.

Okay yufei, what happened to control?

I am schizophrenic.

-

I just got scolded. Haha. I knew it. I saw it coming. I was so surprised for the calmness when you saw my math paper. I guess that was just the eye of the storm. I really should have known.
Yes, you know it, RESULTS. RESULTS, RESULTS AND RESULTS. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

days

"Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower." - Hans Christian Anderson

I think the reason why I want to get into Hwa Chong's humanities prog so much,
Is that I've had enough of the RGS atmosphere.
I see so many people changing to people that we no longer recognize.
I don't want to be like that, really.

I am really crossing my fingers that I'll get a 4.0 for Lit. PLEASE ah. ):

Anyway, yesterday's ADWII was awesome (: When I was sharing, that passion for worship came back again, thank God. I thought I lost it already, after not serving for so long.
Thank God, really. (:

"my life is perfect on the outside but maybe cracked inside" - Caleb

Well, mine isn't even perfect on the outside, lol.

Sometimes, I don't even recognize myself anymore.
It's funny how the factors that defined my life in the past were basketball, musicians and jamming, friends
And now, well friends still define, but other things changed. No more basketball, or jamming. And WSC took it's place. Worship took the place of jamming.
Sounds like life has taken a positive turn? I don't know.
I really don't.
All that I know is, I'm not the person I know I am anymore. And it's a little...scary.
Why can't life just stay very much the same?

And guess what. I'm still not doing well for school. And guess why? CARELESS MISTAKES.
Sometimes, I just feel like shooting myself in the head.

Haiz. What to do?

set them free

"If you love someone, set them free; if you have to stalk them they probably weren’t yours in the first place." - Sandra Bullock from All About Steve

One more screwed up paper; Chinese.
What to do? Who asked me to be such a loser.

I think I shouldn't have gone to RGS. I don't know why throughout the course of my life, all that I know how to make are wrong decisions.
I chose RGS out of rash and rush, thinking that it was the top girls school and everything.
And I forgot about RJC or HCJC, for that matter.
And look at what I have landed myself into.
Heartaches and an almost totally screwed up secondary school life.
Ah wellz. Lets be a sour grape. Maybe a secondary school life in NYGH won't be that much different, either.

I have the following to do today:
1. WSC Essay.
2. SRI test.
3. Something :D
4. Make sure I am 100000000% sure of whatever I need to know for Lit on Wed.
5. Pract keyboard.

On a brighter note, AWDII starts tomorrow (:
I hope I get Jasmine again, and I am looking forward to seeing Melody! :D

Time for SRI.

hi wuyou

Happy Birthday, WuYou Bestie! (L)(L)(L)
Thanks for always being there for me, making lemonade out of the lemons in my life. (:
You're irreplaceable, and I love you ALWAYS (:
Besties and Awesome Centers ftw!
Enjoy (the rest of) your day (:

P.S. your present's coming VERY SOON :D

fire burning

"Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live." - Mark Twain

Short break before starting on WSC essay. After all, I am going to finish Lit and have finished all my school homework.

Today the Lord showed me Job. I think He's making me the next Job. I will past the test, Lord! Thank You for always being there for me. (: Go ahead and take everything away from me; they are yours anyway.
But just let the test fall on me, and me alone.
I love You, Lord.

I got this while browsing through the batch blog. Yeah I think it's time you guys know that I actually know the url and the existence of this blog. And nope no one told me I found it out myself. I googled it. Go ahead and change the url or lock it. Yup, that means that I know what you guys have be so called doing behind my back since long time ago. Anyway, the picture.



Whatever happened to our innocence, our bonded-ness. This sounds wrong but if going against me makes you guys more bonded,
Go ahead.
It feels better seeing you guys bonded, even if it means that I can't ever bond with you guys.
I lost that initial feeling towards rgsbasketball, or basketball, even.
I think we have all forgotten how to smile,
From our hearts.
Whatever. It's just a few more trainings to go. I don't actually understand why she's even calling us back. Maybe something went wrong with the connection, yet again.
I don't know why this is becoming an ordeal to survive through.

Alrighty, lets start on essay and chuck away all these unhappy thoughts
(:
At least doing essay = makes me think of WSC team = makes me happy.

Right. My dad's calling the entire family out now. Change of plans to memorising the last part of lit first.
And math's STILL not signed (:

taste of perfection

I passed by that place today. Yup, everything flooded back.
I could still make you out from your silhouette.
I knew what you were doing.
I miss doing all those with you.
I thought I c0uld let it all go.
But apparently, no.
I miss you.
Cos once you've gotten a taste of perfection,
You won't settle for anything less.

-

Please stop blaming yourself.
Please cheer up.
I know you won't see this but,
You are actually freaking me out already.
It's not your fault. Some things are just meant to be.
You are awesome, and all of us can see that.



-

I really don't like the idea that the entire world is treating me like a weakling;
I'm someone who breaks down once touched.
I am really not that fragile.
The reason why I even dare to cry in front of you is because,
I trust you guys.
But no.
I won't cry again.
Not in front of you guys at least.
And I'll prove to you that I am not who you think I am.

-

Maybe I'll understand why he is like that one day.
Because work,
Is the best way one numbs himself.

-

Math PT is done. Math Unit Summary is done. Math paper's not signed. I feel like a loser for Chem. I have to mug Bio, Physics and Lit. I have to finish Physics assignment and Chinese compo.
I don't feel happy. At all. I feel like a loser.

"By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it. The nonexistent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired." - Kafka

crazy training

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why we call it ‘The Present’." - Eleanor Roosevelt

LOLZ to yesterday's training:

Rebecca: Anqi you don't look like a mother.
Anqi: HUH!!!! I GIVE BIRTH TO ONE LET YOU SEE!
(on really random topics...I don't remember how we got there)

Mr Ong: Get yourself a simple motion and go into the bathroom to debate with yourself.
(on how to improve your debating skills)

Annabelle: I hope that when others ask about me, you'll give the same response: Cannot tell.
Yufei: Orh okay I know. I'll ask everyone to call you "cannot tell" from now on k :D
(on not telling)

I'd rather it be debate lessons from now on lol.

Anyway. I flunked Chem. RAWR. I'm going to shameless again and beg for marks.
ANNOYINGZ. It's freaking CHEM. I'm supposed to do well. First Math, then Chem. And they are my BEST subjects. WTH?
(but again, I have not gotten back my paper.)
Talking about which. My math is still not signed. Should I forge?

Anyway, the procrastinator officially have the following to do:
1. Math PT indiv part
2. WSC essay
3. SS readings
4. Chinese compo
5. Physics assignment
6. Study for exams (I am really going to fail Lit)
7. WSC note
DIE LE LAH.

Be a best friend

"Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but playing a poor hand well."- Jack London

I didn't fail Math after all haha. It was a case of "if you don't me pass and my mum kills me, I'll haunt you" LOLS my math teacher's so funny. (;

Studied in school with De, Jean, Nico and Parisa. Thanks guys (:

I can feel my brain dying and thus deproving. I need a dose of WSC ah.
I should stop being so slack and do some proper work, SOON. Maybe that will revive my critical thinking skills, too.

Oh yes. My knee is trying its best to murder me. And guess what. Training resumes on 19Apr. How awesome is that screw the woman stuff dirty bball socks into her mouth.

WORK TIME! Physics, Bio or Lit?

"Be a best friend, tell the truth, and over-use “I love you,” go to work, do your best, don’t outsmart your common sense, never let your prayin’ knees get lazy, and love like crazy."- Lee Bruce

Pretty notebooks

"I’ve been making a list of the things they don’t teach you at school. They don’t teach you how to love somebody. They don’t teach you how to be famous. They don’t teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don’t teach you how to walk away from someone you don’t love any longer. They don’t teach you how to know what’s going on in someone else’s mind. They don’t teach you what to say to someone who’s dying. They don’t teach you anything worth knowing." - Neil Gaiman

I bought a pretty notebook for WSC today (:
Which means I should feel motivated to study and stop wasting so much time.
Ms Siow cheated my feelings; there are no answers to heat capacity ):

Anyway, English was camwhore block.


These people are the LOVE (:

Okay. Nap + Math (: And WSC and RMUN and BIO and PHYSICS and LIT okay! :D

A little poem

Live. Love. Laugh.

Life is an ironic thing.
How is it possible to cheer for them, when your own battle scars have yet to heal.

Sometimes, you just gotta accept your blunders,
Instead of trying so, so hard to hide them.

Cos they get obvious, yes they do.
And you don't get anywhere.

Lyrics, they ring in my head.
Drawing back those memories, not that far away.

A little poem, that sums up my life currently.

rgsbasketball bdiv'10

BDiv 2010, ended.

I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to act, I don't know what to feel.
I don't know if they're happy, I don't know if they are sad.

Whatever it is, I'm not very happy.
And I wonder how they are now.

Haiz.



-

It was really, really, really sad to see him like that today.
I swear, I was going to cry.
I miss him.
I can't believe I used to hate him so much.
Cos now, I'm loving and missing him so much more.
Haiz.


Look at us, we're laughing so happily. Genuine happiness. At least for me.

I miss the rgsbasketball that I knew,
The one that I loved after one week of training,
The one I cry with, laugh with, train with, like there was no tomorrow,
The one that always made me happy.
We thought nothing could ever tear us apart,
And we always believed that double champs could be ours,
One day.

It's all wrong, and it's all gone.

-

I didn't get back Math after all; thanks Aaron for that comment, you're super nice! :D
Bio after nap; my eyes are threatening to snap shut this very moment.

-

Lit is done, Physics will be done very soon, I WILL start on Bio today. Maybe I'll need to lock my computer away again. Tsk yufei.

Ramble on

"Its about how you’re like a lighthouse, always searching far into the distance. But the thing you’re looking for is usually close to you and always has been. That’s why you have to look within yourself to find answers instead of searching beyond." - Susane Colasanti (Waiting For You)

I'm getting sick of Physics. It's easy; the questions, the concepts.
But I know the paper won't. Zzz. That's the problem with Physics Dept. They make everything so simple, and bam they come with a super tough paper.

Service today was really, really touching.
Well, I almost cried.
And it's really touching to see people literally standing up from wheelchairs. Like right in front of your eyes.
Praise God, Jesus You're alive!

I think it's damn Math. I can't get it our of my head, thus no motivation to study.

And I think I am super emotional these day, forever on the verge of tears.
Even like during times when I pract keyboard?

Dinner time!

My mum is FUCKING WEIRD.
She having a freaking menopause and thus the entire family has to go through with her.
She should go and DIE.
And she should buy gold with all her money or something and hug them to sleep every night.
Zzz.

Tomorrow this time, I think I'll be chased out of house.

My (most) awesome team

"Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them”. - William Shakespeare

You guys are great,
Just the way you are.
I love you guys.

You guys make me forget everything,
Math, Bio, Physics, All those
Unhappy stuff.

I love you guys,
Just the way you are.

I can't wait to fly to Shanghai with you all.
I can't wait to mug with you all, debate with you all,
Laugh, cry, scream, freak out,
Love,
With you all.

I love WSC TLL team, 2010. (L)

You guys make me happy,
Just the way you are.

-

Chinese Lit is surprisingly done. Except for my three strands of grass sianzsx. Bio and Physics up next. Physics is too easy to be true, seriously.

Wellwell. I shall go reinforce Lit sometime later.

Ohoh, tennis is coolz. 8D

You can put the blame on me

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself." - Harvey Fierstein

Unit summary, DONE. (:

I'm really scared of Math now.
UGH IT'S NOT GETTING OUT OF MY HEAD RAWR this is so annoyingz.

Anyway.
Lunch was good today.
And my mum's deciding to start on tennis.
She spent more than $300 on tennis stuff, shoes, rackets, tennis balls,
At forty.
Well well, blame it on life-long learning.

Anyway I came across many interesting books today (!!!) rain $$$ please I want to buy all of them!
I thought this is cool - "Nobody here is as good as everybody here." - Mac's business principle, on how they embrace diversity. Yes I know what the hell you're thinking. What a good debate/essay example!

"All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you." - Wayne Dyer

Yes, it is to you. And to me, too.

Anti-depressant

"Forgetting doesn't make it all better, it just makes it hurt again when I remember." - Cynthia

Cheer up friend.

Math is not going away.
I really hope she had forgotten to mark one of my questions.
Please.
Ugh.
I want Mr Leek back ):

So I did finish my Bio and Physics notes after all. So maybe I'll treat myself to a movie in an attempt to take my brain off Math.

It's funny how Math was the only subject that I mugged and I'm getting a 35% for it.
Not helping that I've failed journal.
Okay whatever. 85% for everything else that comes!

-

I think I suck.
I give people hell cos in their opinion, I'm being too hard on myself.
I think it's because I have not been able to let the fact that I am a loser sink into me.
But I guess it sinks deeper with every failure I go through.
Yeah, like what my mum said, it doesn't make sense for someone to fail all the time,
There must be something wrong with the person.
Sorry friends. I will stop pursuing self worth from now on, cos I don't deserve any anyway.
Maybe that would help me stop losing friends.
-

Sorry, it has been really long, but you're irreplaceable.
Yes, moved on, new friends, new company, and even new guy friends,
But none meets up to you.
Imy. ):

-

I don't care if they want to fight on or not; they have to.
They have to win Unity by 5 points on Monday. I don't care; they don't have a choice.
Ugh. I miss (fighting with, playing with, training with, being with) them; I knew I was part of them back then.

-

I think I'm falling into depression.