metamorphosis

"We can spend our lives letting the world tell us who we are. Sane or insane. Saints or sex addicts. Heroes or victims. Letting history tell us how good or bad we are. Letting our past decide our future. Or we can decide for ourselves. And maybe it’s our job to invent something better." - Choke, by Chuck Palahniuk

Her words woke me.
It's getting scary.

I don't want to be a person that I don't recognize myself.
I don't want to be a person whose life revolves around studies and academics.
I don't want to be a nerd.
I don't want different things to define me.

I want to play basketball.
I want to go back to the days where everything was in a way, the way I knew it.
I want to jam.
I want to jam like there's no tomorrow.

I really need a balance. Maybe that's why the Lord's making me make silly mistakes like those I've made in my paper, so that I'll never get there and thus I won't ever change.

I don't like changes.
I don't want to change.
I think people are getting annoyed with the new me.
I am a freaking snob; someone who's crazy about results to a sickening extent, and should be ignored by all.
I think I'll lose all my friends soon.

There's Physics and Bio tomorrow. And I just KNOW that I'll flunk it.

Okay yufei, what happened to control?

I am schizophrenic.

-

I just got scolded. Haha. I knew it. I saw it coming. I was so surprised for the calmness when you saw my math paper. I guess that was just the eye of the storm. I really should have known.
Yes, you know it, RESULTS. RESULTS, RESULTS AND RESULTS. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.