Sorry, I'm really afraid of losing you, like what I had before, so many times. I don't know how I am supposed to literally, survive, if it happens again.
Sorry, I know I'm irritating at times, I know I'm too over at times.
I really don't want to lose you. You have no idea how I had led life in the past 4 months. And sorry, till now, I don't dare to let myself totally believe that everything has gone back to normal, no matter how much I try to fool myself at least into believe it.

You never know, how much you cheer me up, brighten my day, with one sms, one line, or just by letting me know that you're still my friend, who is the fool who believes in me no matter what happens, even though you refuse to admit to it.

I know. I know. I'm like the most idiotic person on Earth.

And I promise myself. I'll not cry anymore. Yufei is a big and strong girl. She shouldn't be crying all the time anymore.

And I'm still left with WSC.

"According to Lamarck, if we keep stretching our necks, our future generations will become..."
"Giraffes?"

Classic ttm. <3

Chem Physics SS CLit WSC. Awesome shit, don't you think? I think I really need the library today.

On 26/02, I was too late for service so I didn't go. Imy a lot and I mistook someone for you. ):

SL was awesome ttm I swear that Joseph is SUPER CUTE. :D I love him manzsx. :D Had quite a lot fun; they were saying that I was like very MOTHERLY but Joseph kept calling me korkor. ):

Training was alright too. (: Just that I now have A LOT to read. Nice...

The 3 words that form your name still hurts me like how it used to.

Alright, time for Chem. I'll sleep after Chem COS I NEED MY SLEEP. Okay bye. (:

2 highlighters down. (:

It has been ages, so I am deviating from being so abstract to posting about daily life. :D

SLI was basically SUN SUN SUN. I think the performances were very failed and the most not failed on should be PB's. Ah wells. I don't think they had a lot of time so I guess it was quite good alr.

Anyway training yesterday was very funny cos it started raining during the last hour so we did gym with CDiv. And Ivana kept complaining that she was fat when she ISN'T ._. Haha and talked CHRISTIAN music with juniors haha! :D yay. But the only problem is...I have promised them to go for their services too which I hope won't clash with mine...hmm.

The second training of the day was alright. I AM STARTING TO LIKE LIT AH. ): Should have taken it, and not some loser Chinese Lit. Ah wellz. And I think the trainer was DAMN SMART like seriously? You won't even know it by looking at his face and hearing his (oops) a lil gay voice.

And I have SL today! (insert smiley) And training and service. (: I think I should start reading psychology. But I don't have a highlighter! ):

On 22/02, you made everything alright again. That long long msn convo, I can still remember every word to it. And seriously, you've just gotten sweeter, haha. (x I feel like copying our entire convo onto this thing too haha. Yay, me loves you ttm. (:
Thanks for still believing in me, trusting me, making fun of me, making me laugh, creating more and more memories,
Like what you've used to do. (:
Promise me, no more disagreements alright. I promise I'll compromise more and stop being such a bitch. At times.
Friends forever, alright? (:

On 25/02, I realised that once you've truly fallen in love, any words along the lines of I've forgotten him, I've forgotten how it felt like to love him, are nothing but self deception.
So I've decided to stop deceiving myself. I love you and there's nothing to hide. I have loved you and I'll continue to love you.
There's nothing to be ashamed of.
So promise me, nothing will come between us, alright? No stars, no love stories; just a simple friendship, like a sailboat in a tiny stream.
That's enough for me, really.

-

WORK TIME! And it's like 5:00pm. :D

Everything's fine again. (:
Those 3 words sound so much better than the 8 lettered one.

Anyway I should go and do work. And I shall be lazy and not run today. :D I have Math Chinese and something else. So many things. Wish me luck manzsx.

There's SLI on Friday. AND there's training. SIANZSX. But it's not like she'll call off training.

And I realised that I am starting to learn almost everything on my own. Which is kind of...bad. :/ But still. Our teachers suck. Like BIO gosh and maybe even Lit. But Lit is more because of me missing so many gazillion lessons for stats. Haiz.

Talking about which. Finals is on 10TH MARCH. You guys must come down and watch. Cos I want more supporters than SC. I don't like them cos they don't have sportsmanship. BLEH.

Okay I should stop crapping and start work. And oh, something really embarrassing happened during PE today. I need to differentiate between FLOORBALL and BASKETBALL. Seriously?

Crude picture, but true.
'Cept for the fact that they are no longer there.

I want to be like them.
A lifetime spent jamming, playing, recording, holding concerts,
With a wonderful band,
Creating powerful worship,
For God alone.

"I need our musicians to start composing our own songs. I want to be a worship pastor."
"That would be cool. Then me and him can be your musicians. (:"

On 11/02, it was one of those jamming sessions like before. Though it was only 5 minutes, I enjoyed it, in solitary with you. But when it ended, I felt pulled back to reality. Oh, I enjoyed worship that night, very much too. Telepathy forthewin (:

On 16/02, you gave me a handshake when I asked for one. I was very much pleasantly surprised cos I thought you'd just ignore me. But you didn't so I decided to record down every nice thing you are doing to me.

On 17/02, you replied my sms. Yet another pleasant surprise.

On 20/02, you looked me in the eye and kicked the ball into my legs in a playful manner. But it was then I cried because of you so I just ignored you. I know that just made you feel that I have attitude problems. But well. Go ahead cos I don't really feel anything already. And on the other hand sorry for ignoring you.

On 21/02 (today), you told me that everything has been a misunderstanding. Which explains why you've been trying hard to revert back to where we left off, like what I have used to do.
I was very happy when I heard it. Or should I say, very relieved. But still there's a problem.
I can't bring myself to trust you again.
I wrote about you in my Chinese compo and I agree with what I wrote; wounds heal, but scars remain forever.
I'm sorry.

I'm in Rebecca's class waiting for her to come. HURRY UP LAH WOMANNNNN!

Anyway training ended at like 5? Hmm. So yeah was very off f0rm and very no stamina and blahblahblah and I hope I managed to annoyed the bitch even a bit. Whatever laaaa. I'm not your nice lil girl who will beg you like some shameless slut for a place in the team.
I have my dignity so you ought to respect it. And don't make me scream at you. I'm telling you, this is so NOT a threat. _!_

And mousehunt is pretty screwed on this computer not good. ):

And YAY Rebecca is here so I shall end here :D

I AM VERY EXCITED BY THE FACT THAT KAIWEN'S COMING TO MY HOUSE LATER FOR CNY (!!!)

Anyway yesterday's gathering was DEAD BORING. I shouldn't have gone. Blahblahblah. On a side note, I realised that I won't ever get married from yesterday's gathering as well. Random ttm? But it's true. My expectations are unreachable :D Any other aspiring FREAKING RICH spinsters? :D

I still have a lot of Chinese homework undone. And I haven't decided whether I should go for visitation with youths tomorrow. Ah wellz. I think we're climbing something like Mount Faber soon. Today. Whatever. I'm a pig I'm damn fat I can feel the gazillion layers of fats all over my muscles AH AH AH. D:

Thanks EMILY GERMAINE ANQI CHARMAINE for the awesome outing today (L)(L)(L)!
And Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief is good :D And bring your boyfriend along hahaha :D Cos it gets freaky at times.

Meal was pretty rushed hurhur cos we lost our way went to freaky shaw place? Haha and settled for fast food.

And Germaine lost her pedant! ): Maybe we'll go shopping for one soon (:

OKAY LAH. I live in a well. Cos only till today did I know what's SLICE. Whateva xD If not for my slight lactose intolerance, I would have got an entire one for myself! :D

Homed with Germaine. Heart to heart talks ftw! (: Cheer up yoz, thanks for trusting me to share your problems. (L)

And VALENTINE'S DAY next week wheeeeee :D Photos will come when Charmaine decides to upload the pictures and tag moi :D

YAYYY I LOVE TODAY ;D

-

Service yesterday was alright. Zoomed home after service cos Daddy was there already. Haha telephathy. Thanks for that one minute of happiness. I swear, I felt that I was transported back to those times in that one minute. It came fast; and it left equally fast.
But it's alright. I mean, what can I actually expect from you right.

Just a disturbing fact that it rips me into two when it ended. Yeah, when you turned your back against me and walked away. No, you didn't just walk away from the keyboard; you walked away from my life. Yet again.

It's alright. At least, it will be, even if it means I force myself into it, cos you want me to do so.

-

Happy CNY people. (:

I thought today's interview has been pretty good. (: Really hope that I'll get in. :/

Life has been boring. ANQI didn't go to school today so school has been boring. Boring boring boring. The only good thing's that we're not getting as much homework. All of a sudden hmm? Well maybe except shopping with my dad :D Heehee thanks daddy for the new bag :D

Anyway there's church tomorrow at 645pm haiz. Sho late! There's still school on Fri. And I am looking forward to Friday cos MOVIAYEEEEE :D Yay. :D

I want dates for Valentines! :D

Okayokay. Time for Math and 5 sets of Physical. I AM GETTING FAT LAAAAAA. Annoyingz.

为什么人总是失去后才懂得珍惜？
I finally understand. Sorry, I'm not worthy.

And I talked too much today. Oops.
And I have not done any of my homework, and do not intend to do so.
I want to pract keyboardddddddd.

Wonderful, I cried again over that issue. AGAIN.
Stupid loser Yufei.

Teach me how to forget you. Teach me how to forget all those things that happened amongst us.
Teach me how you did it; all of it.

I don't feel like filing my work.

I'm this useless piece of shit. Who am I to call myself a Child of God. I cannot do anything, cannot control my emotions, cannot put Him first in my life.
He gave up His life for me on the cross and yet I can't even give up my emotions for Him.
I'm unworthy. Unworthy of His life, unworthy of His flesh, His blood. I'm not fit to serve Him.
So who am I, to proclaim His goodness, His love, attempt to be a living testimony, pray in His name, play music in His name, everything.
I'm not worthy. And I disgrace Him.
Useless, worthless and a complete failure. That's what I am.

Because I still love you, but you still love her;
So stop pretending that you care, when you don't, at all.

-

I think I'm awesome cos I managed to finish my homework. I decided that this is the year whereby I'm failing math so I decided to not give it a damn anymore.

I'm going to lock myself in the library later. Cut off the connection with computers. Anyone wanna join me? :D

-

P.S. the first 2 lines don't mean ANYTHING at all so don't read too much into it.

AH HELP HELP I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO SSFA. ):

Anyway went out with mummy for cny shopping today. And made nice oatmeal cookies YUM :D Just that they're a bit too sweet...and I'm getting the formula from Addy for pineapple tarts soon heeheehee.

And I did nothing but my stupid sihan. Yufei's gonna be very motivated and study very hard for the whole of tomorrow YAY ME by cutting off my contact with the computer by locking myself in the library. (:

Maybe I should try Bio.

Every word we converse hurts.
Pierce through my heart.
Sorry, it has been months, but my heart refuses to go on.
Because I was foolish; I took you as a friend that I couldn't live without.

Love, is not about find a person that you can live with,
but finding a person that you cannot live without.

-

Happy 5th Birthday Sissy.
Long way to go yes.

Now it's my long battle with SS.

-

sometimes, i really hate myself for being ever so weak. i can never get past myself. i can laden myself with tons and tons of commitments, competitions in an attempt to make myself feel a little triumphant. but it never worked. those words, no they didn't mean to hurt, but they did, and it hurt a lot, too.
yeah, i go on telling everyone that i'm alright. trying to convince myself too. but in reality, it's just the same as any other year. i can't step over to the brighter side of life.
and that, makes me the greatest loser of this world.

DAMN IT YOU STUPID ENGLISH AA PPT UPLOADDDDDD FASTER RAWR.
(That was effective, it's DONE.)

I UNDERSTOOD BOTH CHEM AND PHY OVER ONE AFTERNOON AREN'T I A GENIUS? ;D

I AM GOING TO DIE OF DOING WORK.

AND BY SAYING THAT I AM FULLY AWARE THAT AFTER ONE AFTERNOON OF WORK, I HAVE WSC, SS AND WHATEVER CRAP WAITING FOR ME.
(SS can wait for another day. WSC has to be done. AHHH.)

I WANT AA TO END NOW.

I ATE A LOT AND DIDN'T EXERCISE TODAY. YAY ME I'M GONNA BECOME A PIG.

AND IVANA'S CARD'S NEVER GONNA GET DONE.

SO AM I NOT GOING TO BUY CORRECTION TAPE.

DAMN I HAVE TING XIE TOMORROW.

I HAVE TO GO OFF LIKE NOW.

BYE.