moving on

I'm leaving this blog for a while.

Yes, I am doing all that I can to forget you. Wipe you out of the face of my memories. And move on with life, most importantly.

Guess what! Life has changed so drastically. If I had been using a notebook, I guess here would be when I change to a new notebook.

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So, for the past 11 months,

School: AWESOME. Post EYA wasn't really that awesome. Movies had been great, glad that our class's still together as one after one year together. Nonetheless, enjoyed the days with my awesome class (:

Sec 4 was pretty much a disaster, academic wise. 3.2 for Chem (which was *ahem* 90% last year) and 55% for M2. Thanks lots for dearest tablemates, Adeline and Giovanni; clique who is always there, Charmaine, Anqi, Zhang Rui; lab partner and aspiring arsonists Shiqi yup thanks guys. (: A proper one will be done at the end of the year haha.

Oh and my birthday was awesome, though none of the basketballers remembered. It was still nice to know that at least some people cared.

Basketball: ROLLER-COASTER. Emotional Sec 4 farewell and crazy Malaysia trip last year. Thanks yan ping steph iliana liyong rachael for being there to make both events fun and well, memorable.

Died in almost every training, got a new coach, and didn't get into team for the 3rd year running.

Got pissed with coach, got pissed with batch, got kicked out in the first round.

Juniors lost Zone finals too, following the footsteps of B'10.

Thank God Awesome Centers did not change a single bit. (L)

Church: CHANGE. Changed a church, changed personalities leading to a loss of a dear friend, changing a blog to accommodate the changes. I know before this blog was created, everything was going well but overnight everything changed. Ah wellz. Ohoh, there were good things such as Christmas Children Camp etc and thanks girlf for standing by me every single day. (L) New church is good, worship feels like hillsong but not bonded and not close with anyone atm. I'll try. Maturing in spiritual life, Thank You Jesus.

Other things: LIFE-CHANGING. HMCA was the best experience ever. First feel of a MUN, or in this case, MC? I guess. Was fun, learnt a lot, skills wise, and made lasting friends (L) I love HMCA'10 (: WSC was greater than HMCA I guess, cos of the length of time. It is a life-changing experience that I will never, ever, ever forget even in the next lifetime. Thank you for this opportunity, and I love this team more than how much I've loved my basketball team over the 3 years. I started BELIEVERS MUSIC which was life changing, too. My personal daily worship was significantly better and of course, closer to God. Thank You Jesus, once again.

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I guess, you gotta lose something to gain something else, though I would not have minded if I didn't lose those things in order to gain the things I have now. But I guess, it's all in God's wonderful plan.

Thank You for looking after me each day as I grow up,

and hopefully closer and closer to You.

Thank You for Your blood, Your wounds and Your life,

which You shed just to give me life.

Who am I, to decide.

For You my Lord know it all.

No longer do basketball and musicians define my life.

Life now takes on a new direction.

It's studies binded with a better future, academic competitions, worship and Jesus that make my life now.

For good or for worse, I guess no one can say for sure.

For one, I do miss the things I've given up.

I'm leaving it to Jesus. (:

number 136

"I rather hurt than feel nothing at all." - Lady Antebellum

But sometimes, the hurt gets overwhelming;

It tears you apart, yes.

Despite so, it is the only sign that you're alive.

Being able to smile only tells you that you're still around.

Only excruciating pain shows that you're alive, ironically.

Stupid, dumb, asshole, whatever other adjectives that is me.

Yeah manzsx. All that I can do is to lament, whine and complain continuously.

I don't have the power to create, or to change.

What's the point of holding on?

What's the point of wishing for something that you know very well that you can

Never never ever achieve or receive?

Ventured twice, failed twice. Am I useless or what?

Oh yes.

Work is the best way to make you forget who you are.

Sometimes, it is better to be transported to another dimension.

For a while, or for good.

It's better than suffering in the present.

You're irreplaceable.

Nope, it's seriously not a compliment.

It is plain, downright annoying.

I want to fly, want to move on, want to open myself once more.

But you hold that key,

To my cage, to my chain and to my heart.

I miss you, I hate you and I love you, above all.

No seriously, go away.

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I actually feel accomplished today. Finished SS, Chem (notes + assignment) and half of Bio notes. I don't know why, I actually feel joyful doing Chem.

That's why I advocate for the fact that one should never stop doing work lest to feel the pain that tears you apart.

Back to Bio. PCR and biological scissors. Exciting.

loser

"You can’t always control the circumstances in life, but you can control your attitude toward those circumstances" - Alexander Lockhart

SS and English results were okay. Hopefully I'll manage to get my lappy at the end of the day (:

I think my debate, enunciation, sentence construction and impromptu suck ttm. D:

And this is really sad cos I didn't improve and I feel super loser cos speaking is supposed to be my strong point because without it I'll be a complete loser cos my essays suck ttm and that's a fact that I've accepted and I cannot memorize details so that leaves me to speaking which I have to have to have to have to do well

D:

I seriously think I'm a loser who can't seem to do anything properly. D:

Oh no, this actualization isn't that positive actually.

First PFT, then debate. C'mon manzsx, wanna fill me up with what's coming up next?

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OKAY YUFEI.

You should try to change your thinking and improve yourself.

Ah.

Whining doesn't make a difference.

Ah ah.

You still have to face life.

Oh no ):

I will not be a loser from now on. I. WILL. NOT.

I will do well according to my own standards and stop disappointing every single damn person around me.

Maybe that will start with not crying. Severing tear glands seem to be the only way. Haiz.

school

"While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about." - Angela Schwindt

PFT was pretty obviously, screwed. But I think the most screwed part of it all is that I freaking cried for stupid things like that (yes I WILL cut off those tear glands) and injured my thigh muscles + right knee. STUPIDDDD!

It's okay. I will get some 12 min thing for 2.4 (:

Oh right. GA was surprisingly easy. Or should I say, she threw all the answers into our faces.

You know what. This is not good. I know that I have a lot of things to do, just that I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE. This is really, really badddddd. ):

Let's do a list AGAIN! (Yes shush I know I barely finished half of the previous list...)

• Bio notes
• SS notes
• Math notes
• Philo AA
• SS AA
• WSC notes
• WSC essay
• RMUN notes
• Mummy's birthday card, which is superbly belated. ):

Very apparently, this list looks a lot shorter than the previous one. Meaning that I'm making progress. Very good.

And maybe I should begin with essay or either of the 2 AAs.

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“I could quit. But here’s the thing… I love the playing field.”

My heart aches. For her, for us, for myself.

What happened, to all of those,

Hopes, dreams, wishes of,

That shiny giant,

And a forever love.

jumbled up

"The dreams of which I'm dying are the best I've ever had." - Adam Lambert, Mad World

Yknow, this is one of the days where I serious don't care who sees it or whatever shit they think.

I seriously don't know how they lost.

Yeah okay, they made mistakes. But well, it was a lot less than them.

They were f.disgusting.

But they weren't.

And they should have won.

Because they fought with their hearts.

Unlike them, their seniors.

This shouldn't be the result.

They shouldn't be crying.

Cos they are the Champions.

Juniors, please don't blame yourself. You guys did really well, and I'm really proud of you guys. Keep the passion and the will! You guys will clinch it in the National round. I know you guys will.

(:

I will always be behind you guys, if I am allowed to.

So on a completely different note,

I'm feeling this increasing sense of shame to be related, however little, to them. EWWW.

Don't bother talking rubbish. Please always remember that you're the cause of all this.

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RAP Symposium was pretty interesting, I must say.

Till we got to TRC and I have NO idea what it was about so the presentation (which was well, a debate) didn't make any sense.

Oh wellz.

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I have a lot of work to do. And there's GA + PFT tomorrow. I can see myself failing PFT oh no.

That would be quite a joke, actually. Bballer to fail PFT/SBJ. Lol.

And what 30. There's no Hannah this year to scare me so that I'll get a B for SBJ. Maybe she should come back and sit in front of me again.

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You know what, that attempt to protecting him is nothing but a complete failure. I'm sorry to say that but, it's time you come to your senses.

Ironically, it is like how much you emphasizes it all the time.

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Love is a queer thing. It drives people up the wall.

I don't blame you for feeling this way, cos I remember when I was in [well,] love with him, I was a million times worse than you are.

Ah wellz.

Once in your lifetime, you'll meet someone worth dying for.

And the rest of the time? It'll be nothing but a childish experience. Plus a lot of unnecessary heartbreaks.

Haiz. What to do?

days

Of one thing that I am certain of, I am the reason why you guys did not
win. Sorry?

Debate was hilarious. AHEMadelinelimAHEM. Ah wellz. But we lost anyway. But it was still fun anyway. I bet I was the cause lah sounded like crap. And missed out points. Awesome? Plus lousy enunciation. RAWR.

Training was okay. Well we got to play games! I love basketball, the game. :D And there were juniors especially AWESOME CENTERS! :D So it was quite okay.

Rawr. RS tomorrow D: I WILL do well manzsx. (Cos why? Cannot fail.)

Hmm so what shall I do now? Can't think of work off my head now. I don't want to think of SS notes. ):

Ah-ha! Maybe I should do revision for GA. Yes I shall. Bye.

(:

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imy. ):

to do list

“And i won’t forget you, i don’t regret you but the hardest thing i have i’ve to do is to live without you.” - Anna

I will never forget you, I promise.


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To do list so far.

• Edit Ade's debate script
• Finish up on my own debate script (which includes practicing)
• REVISION AH for GA
• Non-routine problem solving...am I supposed to do it with Math PT group?
• Go figure out where's the cancer cells ppt.
• I will only start on the assignment after Dr Ng's done with QA heehee. (cos ahem I got stuck at 1b)
• SS NOTESSSSSS ):
• (Should I do notes for Philo too?)
• FILING RAWR.
• WSC notes (Poetry, Film, Lions, Arts, Music, Econs, Science, Psychology, History) RAWR x2
• RMUN research + notes RAWR x3
• WSC essay RAWR x4

And I'm still slacking. How awesome.


And I think my WSC team is super awesome cos even when there's no training, we'll still have informal trainings :D And so are our trainers cos THEY CAN COME DOWN! :D 8 numbers away haha :D


Alright alright. Nap (so that I won't get any more migraines rawr) + WORK!


(L) WSC 2010. June, don't ever comeeeee! D: