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6.11.09

You know, you told me how much you hated tolerating my instability.
How I'd always swing up and down and up and down.
And you really don't know how to handle me.

I am sorry.
I'm really trying to change.
But there are so many things that happen each day that affects my mood in all ways.

I know it's not standing as an excuse anymore.
Whatever, that's not really my point.

My point is.
I am also tired of your instability.
I just want you to know that I am not your soccer ball.
I am not like a thing, where you take it when you need it and chuck it aside when you don't.
I don't know when you'd be all nice to me again,
Or when you'll just give me a super sian attitude and dao me like no one's business.

Because it affects my mood like 10 times more.
And that's because you're almost the most important person in my life.
But sorry, I don't want it to affect me any further.

But seriously. You're like a star.
You're shining like one.
You're so busy; too busy to notice.
I don't blame you. You got to where you are based on your own abilities.

But the saddest part of it all is that,
You actually don't care.
From the very beginning, it had just been an ugly lie.
Like how paper can never cover fire,
Your lie has left a deep ugly scar.

It hurts to realise that all this while, you have been pretending.
There were no real feelings at all.
All my efforts were in vain.
Because it takes two hands to clap. Not one.
And no matter how hard that one hand tries, there will not be a sound.

I promised myself not to get affected anymore.
I promised myself not to cry anymore.
I promised myself to stay strong.

But I think I'm breaking my promises tonight.

Just so you know,
You've affected my mood big time tonight.

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