-

moving on

2010-05-01T22:03:00.003+08:00

I'm leaving this blog for a while.

~~Yes, I am doing all that I can to forget you. Wipe you out of the face of my memories. And move on with life, most importantly.~~

Guess what! Life has changed so drastically. If I had been using a notebook, I guess here would be when I change to a new notebook.

So, for the past 11 months,

School: AWESOME. Post EYA wasn't really that awesome. Movies had been great, glad that our class's still together as one after one year together. Nonetheless, enjoyed the days with my awesome class (:

Sec 4 was pretty much a disaster, academic wise. 3.2 for Chem (which was *ahem* 90% last year) and 55% for M2. Thanks lots for dearest tablemates, Adeline and Giovanni; clique who is always there, Charmaine, Anqi, Zhang Rui; lab partner and aspiring arsonists Shiqi yup thanks guys. (: A proper one will be done at the end of the year haha.

Oh and my birthday was awesome, though none of the basketballers remembered. It was still nice to know that at least some people cared.

Basketball: ROLLER-COASTER. Emotional Sec 4 farewell and crazy Malaysia trip last year. Thanks yan ping steph iliana liyong rachael for being there to make both events fun and well, memorable.

Died in almost every training, got a new coach, and didn't get into team for the 3rd year running.

Got pissed with coach, got pissed with batch, got kicked out in the first round.

Juniors lost Zone finals too, following the footsteps of B'10.

Thank God Awesome Centers did not change a single bit. (L)

Church: CHANGE. Changed a church, changed personalities leading to a loss of a dear friend, changing a blog to accommodate the changes. I know before this blog was created, everything was going well but overnight everything changed. Ah wellz. Ohoh, there were good things such as Christmas Children Camp etc and thanks girlf for standing by me every single day. (L) New church is good, worship feels like hillsong but not bonded and not close with anyone atm. I'll try. Maturing in spiritual life, Thank You Jesus.

Other things: LIFE-CHANGING. HMCA was the best experience ever. First feel of a MUN, or in this case, MC? I guess. Was fun, learnt a lot, skills wise, and made lasting friends (L) I love HMCA'10 (: WSC was greater than HMCA I guess, cos of the length of time. It is a life-changing experience that I will never, ever, ever forget even in the next lifetime. Thank you for this opportunity, and I love this team more than how much I've loved my basketball team over the 3 years. I started BELIEVERS MUSIC which was life changing, too. My personal daily worship was significantly better and of course, closer to God. Thank You Jesus, once again.

I guess, you gotta lose something to gain something else, though I would not have minded if I didn't lose those things in order to gain the things I have now. But I guess, it's all in God's wonderful plan.

Thank You for looking after me each day as I grow up,

and hopefully closer and closer to You.

Thank You for Your blood, Your wounds and Your life,

which You shed just to give me life.

Who am I, to decide.

For You my Lord know it all.

No longer do basketball and musicians define my life.

Life now takes on a new direction.

It's studies binded with a better future, academic competitions, worship and Jesus that make my life now.

For good or for worse, I guess no one can say for sure.

For one, I do miss the things I've given up.

I'm leaving it to Jesus. (:

number 136

2010-05-01T17:26:00.002+08:00

"I rather hurt than feel nothing at all." - Lady Antebellum

But sometimes, the hurt gets overwhelming;

It tears you apart, yes.

Despite so, it is the only sign that you're alive.

Being able to smile only tells you that you're still around.

Only excruciating pain shows that you're alive, ironically.

Stupid, dumb, asshole, whatever other adjectives that is me.

Yeah manzsx. All that I can do is to lament, whine and complain continuously.

I don't have the power to create, or to change.

What's the point of holding on?

What's the point of wishing for something that you know very well that you can

Never never ever achieve or receive?

Ventured twice, failed twice. Am I useless or what?

Oh yes.

Work is the best way to make you forget who you are.

Sometimes, it is better to be transported to another dimension.

For a while, or for good.

It's better than suffering in the present.

You're irreplaceable.

Nope, it's seriously not a compliment.

It is plain, downright annoying.

I want to fly, want to move on, want to open myself once more.

But you hold that key,

To my cage, to my chain and to my heart.

I miss you, I hate you and I love you, above all.

No seriously, go away.

I actually feel accomplished today. Finished SS, Chem (notes + assignment) and half of Bio notes. I don't know why, I actually feel joyful doing Chem.

That's why I advocate for the fact that one should never stop doing work lest to feel the pain that tears you apart.

Back to Bio. PCR and biological scissors. Exciting.

loser

2010-04-30T22:09:00.003+08:00

"You can’t always control the circumstances in life, but you can control your attitude toward those circumstances" - Alexander Lockhart

SS and English results were okay. Hopefully I'll manage to get my lappy at the end of the day (:

I think my debate, enunciation, sentence construction and impromptu suck ttm. D:

And this is really sad cos I didn't improve and I feel super loser cos speaking is supposed to be my strong point because without it I'll be a complete loser cos my essays suck ttm and that's a fact that I've accepted and I cannot memorize details so that leaves me to speaking which I have to have to have to have to do well

I seriously think I'm a loser who can't seem to do anything properly. D:

Oh no, this actualization isn't that positive actually.

First PFT, then debate. C'mon manzsx, wanna fill me up with what's coming up next?

OKAY YUFEI.

You should try to change your thinking and improve yourself.

Ah.

Whining doesn't make a difference.

Ah ah.

You still have to face life.

Oh no ):

I will not be a loser from now on. I. WILL. NOT.

I will do well according to my own standards and stop disappointing every single damn person around me.

Maybe that will start with not crying. Severing tear glands seem to be the only way. Haiz.

school

2010-04-29T19:13:00.004+08:00

"While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about." - Angela Schwindt

PFT was pretty obviously, screwed. But I think the most screwed part of it all is that I freaking cried for stupid things like that (yes I WILL cut off those tear glands) and injured my thigh muscles + right knee. STUPIDDDD!

It's okay. I will get some 12 min thing for 2.4 (:

Oh right. GA was surprisingly easy. Or should I say, she threw all the answers into our faces.

You know what. This is not good. I know that I have a lot of things to do, just that I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE. This is really, really badddddd. ):

Let's do a list AGAIN! (Yes shush I know I barely finished half of the previous list...)

~~Bio notes~~
SS notes
Math notes
Philo AA
~~SS AA~~
WSC notes
WSC essay
RMUN notes
~~Mummy's birthday card, which is superbly belated. ):~~

Very apparently, this list looks a lot shorter than the previous one. Meaning that I'm making progress. Very good.

And maybe I should begin with essay or either of the 2 AAs.

“I could quit. But here’s the thing… I love the playing field.”

My heart aches. For her, for us, for myself.

What happened, to all of those,

Hopes, dreams, wishes of,

That shiny giant,

And a forever love.

jumbled up

2010-04-28T20:11:00.003+08:00

"The dreams of which I'm dying are the best I've ever had." - Adam Lambert, Mad World

Yknow, this is one of the days where I serious don't care who sees it or whatever shit they think.

I seriously don't know how they lost.

Yeah okay, they made mistakes. But well, it was a lot less than them.

They were f.disgusting.

But they weren't.

And they should have won.

Because they fought with their hearts.

Unlike them, their seniors.

This shouldn't be the result.

They shouldn't be crying.

Cos they are the Champions.

Juniors, please don't blame yourself. You guys did really well, and I'm really proud of you guys. Keep the passion and the will! You guys will clinch it in the National round. I know you guys will.

I will always be behind you guys, if I am allowed to.

So on a completely different note,

I'm feeling this increasing sense of shame to be related, however little, to them. EWWW.

Don't bother talking rubbish. Please always remember that you're the cause of all this.

RAP Symposium was pretty interesting, I must say.

Till we got to TRC and I have NO idea what it was about so the presentation (which was well, a debate) didn't make any sense.

Oh wellz.

I have a lot of work to do. And there's GA + PFT tomorrow. I can see myself failing PFT oh no.

That would be quite a joke, actually. Bballer to fail PFT/SBJ. Lol.

And what 30. There's no Hannah this year to scare me so that I'll get a B for SBJ. Maybe she should come back and sit in front of me again.

You know what, that attempt to protecting him is nothing but a complete failure. I'm sorry to say that but, it's time you come to your senses.

Ironically, it is like how much you emphasizes it all the time.

Love is a queer thing. It drives people up the wall.

I don't blame you for feeling this way, cos I remember when I was in [well,] love with him, I was a million times worse than you are.

Ah wellz.

Once in your lifetime, you'll meet someone worth dying for.

And the rest of the time? It'll be nothing but a childish experience. Plus a lot of unnecessary heartbreaks.

Haiz. What to do?

days

2010-04-26T20:42:00.004+08:00

Of one thing that I am certain of, I am the reason why you guys did not
win. Sorry?

Debate was hilarious. AHEMadelinelimAHEM. Ah wellz. But we lost anyway. But it was still fun anyway. I bet I was the cause lah sounded like crap. And missed out points. Awesome? Plus lousy enunciation. RAWR.

Training was okay. Well we got to play games! I love basketball, the game. :D And there were juniors especially AWESOME CENTERS! :D So it was quite okay.

Rawr. RS tomorrow D: I WILL do well manzsx. (Cos why? Cannot fail.)

Hmm so what shall I do now? Can't think of work off my head now. I don't want to think of SS notes. ):

Ah-ha! Maybe I should do revision for GA. Yes I shall. Bye.

imy. ):

to do list

2010-04-25T13:35:00.004+08:00

“And i won’t forget you, i don’t regret you but the hardest thing i have i’ve to do is to live without you.” - Anna

I will never forget you, I promise.

-

To do list so far.

~~Edit Ade's debate script~~

~~Finish up on my own debate script (which includes practicing)~~
REVISION AH for GA
~~Non-routine problem solving...am I supposed to do it with Math PT group?~~
~~Go figure out where's the cancer cells ppt.~~
~~I will only start on the assignment after Dr Ng's done with QA heehee. (cos ahem I got stuck at 1b)~~
SS NOTESSSSSS ):
~~(Should I do notes for Philo too?)~~
~~FILING~~ ~~RAWR.~~
WSC notes (Poetry, Film, Lions, Arts, Music, Econs, ~~Science~~, Psychology, History) RAWR x2
RMUN research + notes RAWR x3
WSC essay RAWR x4

And I'm still slacking. How awesome.

And I think my WSC team is super awesome cos even when there's no training, we'll still have informal trainings :D And so are our trainers cos THEY CAN COME DOWN! :D 8 numbers away haha :D

Alright alright. Nap (so that I won't get any more migraines rawr) + WORK!

(L) WSC 2010. June, don't ever comeeeee! D:

all that i've ever wanted

2010-04-24T21:21:00.005+08:00

"Don’t let anyone tell you that you have to be a certain way. Be unique. Be what you feel." - Melissa Etheridge

They became indispensable;

Yes, I'm falling in love, again.

All I wanna do is find a way back into love;

"We talk to each other on the computer, but in public it's awkward."

A facebook group that he joined, yes.

I agree too.

imy ):

Sorry, my heart's sealed.

Well, so are my lips.

There's class debate on Monday. And ~~training.~~

D:
Uh, that was just for training, btw. I really hope they come!

Oh, I like my new hairdo (:

(okay I think a lot of people are going to kill me for it but. I LOVE IT! :D)

Anyway,

1) I need to tell you a secret look at 5
2) The answer is look at 11
3) Don’t get mad look at 15
4) Calm down dont be mad look at 13
5) First look at 2
6) Dont be that angry look at 12
7) I just wanted to say I love you.
8) What I wanted to tell you is.. THE ANSWER IS ON 14
9) Be patient look at 4
10) This is the last time I’m going to do this look at 7
11) I hope you’re not mad when I say this look at 6
12) Sorry look at 8
13) Dont get mad look at 10
14) I dont know how to say this but look at 3
15) You must be really mad look at number 9

Heehee :D

Die le lah how to do RMUN and WSC and studies at the same time! D:

lost something

2010-04-23T23:37:00.003+08:00

"Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something." - H. JACKSON BROWN

Training today was good.

"If your opponent say that your example is isolated when it is not, rebut by saying that they are the isolated people." - Mr Ong.

I think he's getting funnier. And nicer.

School's fine today. Nothing much I guess. I am positive that A1 is not planning to give back our essays, because he's simply too lazy to move his ass butt off his staffroom chair and pass the stack of essays to us. ==

And A2's getting excessively and unnecessarily emotional. Seriously, I had really wanted to not come for anymore of his lessons from then on.

Ohoh, I am happy! Cos my WSC essay was well written, according to Mr Tern. YAY! :D

Live, Love, Laugh.

One life, live it to the best.

Don't leave regrets, for it will be too late.

Love completely, you never know when the one you love,

Will not be there anymore.

Laugh; take every opportunity to invest in laughter.

It's the best medicine, after all.

Live, Love, Laugh.

What do you want to leave behind?

Sorrow? Regrets? Or footprints?

fulfilling

2010-04-22T21:43:00.003+08:00

DIE LE DIE LE DIE LE.

I'm literally waiting for my mum to start screaming at me.

Maybe even a slap or two.

Haiz, what to do? I shall NEVER touch her iPhone from now on. :/

Had a pretty much fulfilling and productive day with Annabelle dearest (L) at Library @ Esplanade today (: Though I really think socks in some people's mouths would do the trick. Irritating.

Thanks dear! See you tomorrow haha (: You're awesome! :D

I was staring at myself in the MRT mirror today for the entire train ride. Somehow, I saw you in my own face. And there. Opens the floodgate for memories. I realised, I miss you. For so long, I have been caught up in that tangle with him, I sorta forgot about you. I thought I was over you, since two years ago. Only today did I truly realise that it was just me lying to myself. I didn't want to be just friends, and I knew that myself, perfectly well. I didn't felt that feeling, that strong, because you had never left my side. As a friend, as a brother, whatever. I knew you loved me, and I knew I was safe with you. I knew I could always depend on you. And I had never expected it all to end. When they were all taken away from me. When he left. When you should have left. You didn't. You stayed on, maybe just a little while longer. I don't know why you stopped. Whatever. What's the point of holding on to so many things? I won't get them back anyway, at least not back to well, normal. Maybe it's because it makes me feel alive. Ironic, yes, because you are making me die inside. And maybe out too. Or maybe it's one of those double-miss virus, yet again.

I want to sleeeeeeep bye. Oh my mum didn't kill me. Yet.

losing grip

2010-04-21T19:19:00.003+08:00

"No matter what you are doing, keep the undercurrent of happiness. Learn to be secretly happy within your heart in spite of all circumstances." - Paramahansa Yogananda

I feel that I'm a hypocrite at times. Oh no.

Looking back, I am really puzzled.

Why did I apologize for something that I wasn't even sorry for?

Double-miss is like an illness,

And the transmitter shall be telepathy.

imy ):

It's official.

I'm losing grip of my life.

I'm turning into an elitist, a bitch and I think people like the new me should just go and jump of the building.

I hate the new me.

Can someone make the new me go away and pull the old me back? ):

For once, I was contented with my marks.

And guess what was it?

YES. Chinese Lit. Lols.

And it was a freaking 3.6.

My brain's fried.

Yeahyeah, so much for contentment.

Anyway. What's love?

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'
Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'
Billy - age 4

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'
Terri - age 4

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.'
Bobby - age 7

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'
Nikka - age 6

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'
Cindy - age 8 (like my daddy! (L) )

'My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'
Clare - age 6 (LOL)

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'
Lauren - age 4 (LOL x2)

A four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.
Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,
'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

Time to start work, I suppose.

blessings

2010-04-19T17:40:00.003+08:00

Contentment, what a tough word to grasp.

How does one draw the line between that and striving?

Turns out, it's pretty hard, isn't it?

You always hear people saying no, stop trying so hard.

But how hard is so hard?

When do we cross over to the "too hard" or "so hard" zone?

I didn't have to do something that I didn't want to do today, after all.

And I'm glad.

A sign of contentment? Or am I just being foolish?

Being foolish to the extent that such little things appease me?

Where others only settle for Xboxes and PSPs.

"Make yourself happy."

I think these are much more important than any Macbooks or iPhones.

Because I know my daddy cares about me,

That's why he said that to me.

True words show, and true words do amazing things when spoken.

I'm grateful.

Truly.

Though people say that they feel thankful for their parents after seeing mine,

I'm still grateful.

Thank You Lord. (:

I found the reason for blogging.

It's the time I set aside for myself to think about myself.

It's important, you know.

LJX is threatening us with papers on Wednesday. I'm still kinda waiting for my friend to send me her RS report so that I can start on the script. Ah wells. Should I always be so dependent?

And yes, there's a stack of notes and readings waiting for me.

And I'm getting real fat.

This is saddening. Like seriously.

ALRIGHT. Time for notes + readings + I think my eyelids are threatening to snap shut.

"Realize that life is the best thing ever, and that you have no business taking it for granted." - Anna Quindlen

living my life for You

2010-04-18T14:30:00.002+08:00

So faithful, so constant,
So loving and so true,
So powerful in all You do.

You fill me,
You see me,
You know my every move,
You love for me to sing to You.

I know that You're for me,
I know that You're for me,
I know that You'll never forsake me in my weaknesses,
I know that You have come down,
Even for me to write down in my heart,
To remind me of who You are.

A beautiful song, yes.
If The Lord is for us, who can be against us?
No fear.
I want to live my life all for You, Lord.

paradox

2010-04-18T05:38:00.006+08:00

"We are on a journey of becoming that which we already are. That is the impossible paradox of our lives." - Leonard Jacobson

Alright this is a failed attempt to start on essay (or should I say continue) cos I have just wasted half an hour excellent.

People say; and even Times said so, that when you dream of someone, he/she wants to see you.
Imy, yes.
People also say true friends can always grow separately without growing apart.
Is that really true? How I hope so.
I don't know why guys have such a huge ego (some call it reputation, I call it ego) to uphold and upkeep.
If you miss her and love her, just freaking spit it out.

I need to exercise today. Can literally feel the thick layer of fat coating over whatever muscles I used to have.
No good.

Haiz. What to do?

Since I can't change it, all I can do is to change the way I look at it.
But how?

Okayokay. Essay time.

Scrape that. I'M DONE WITH IT YAY. :D Maybe I should start on notes.

And I think I'm a genius for this: "perfect competitions are not as perfect as they sound" :D COOL HUH.

Sorry. I think I'm going through sugar high now.

That means low tomorrow. Maybe especially during trng. SIANZ.

"You can do it." - Daddy, on WSC.

Thanks Dad, (:
You never know how much true words touch another life, when spoken.

metamorphosis

2010-04-15T18:55:00.003+08:00

"We can spend our lives letting the world tell us who we are. Sane or insane. Saints or sex addicts. Heroes or victims. Letting history tell us how good or bad we are. Letting our past decide our future. Or we can decide for ourselves. And maybe it’s our job to invent something better." - Choke, by Chuck Palahniuk

Her words woke me.
It's getting scary.

I don't want to be a person that I don't recognize myself.
I don't want to be a person whose life revolves around studies and academics.
I don't want to be a nerd.
I don't want different things to define me.

I want to play basketball.
I want to go back to the days where everything was in a way, the way I knew it.
I want to jam.
I want to jam like there's no tomorrow.

I really need a balance. Maybe that's why the Lord's making me make silly mistakes like those I've made in my paper, so that I'll never get there and thus I won't ever change.

I don't like changes.
I don't want to change.
I think people are getting annoyed with the new me.
I am a freaking snob; someone who's crazy about results to a sickening extent, and should be ignored by all.
I think I'll lose all my friends soon.

There's Physics and Bio tomorrow. And I just KNOW that I'll flunk it.

Okay yufei, what happened to control?

I am schizophrenic.

-

I just got scolded. Haha. I knew it. I saw it coming. I was so surprised for the calmness when you saw my math paper. I guess that was just the eye of the storm. I really should have known.
Yes, you know it, RESULTS. RESULTS, RESULTS AND RESULTS. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

days

2010-04-14T18:58:00.003+08:00

"Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower." - Hans Christian Anderson

I think the reason why I want to get into Hwa Chong's humanities prog so much,
Is that I've had enough of the RGS atmosphere.
I see so many people changing to people that we no longer recognize.
I don't want to be like that, really.

I am really crossing my fingers that I'll get a 4.0 for Lit. PLEASE ah. ):

Anyway, yesterday's ADWII was awesome (: When I was sharing, that passion for worship came back again, thank God. I thought I lost it already, after not serving for so long.
Thank God, really. (:

"my life is perfect on the outside but maybe cracked inside" - Caleb

Well, mine isn't even perfect on the outside, lol.

Sometimes, I don't even recognize myself anymore.
It's funny how the factors that defined my life in the past were basketball, musicians and jamming, friends
And now, well friends still define, but other things changed. No more basketball, or jamming. And WSC took it's place. Worship took the place of jamming.
Sounds like life has taken a positive turn? I don't know.
I really don't.
All that I know is, I'm not the person I know I am anymore. And it's a little...scary.
Why can't life just stay very much the same?

And guess what. I'm still not doing well for school. And guess why? CARELESS MISTAKES.
Sometimes, I just feel like shooting myself in the head.

Haiz. What to do?

set them free

2010-04-12T15:49:00.003+08:00

"If you love someone, set them free; if you have to stalk them they probably weren’t yours in the first place." - Sandra Bullock from All About Steve

One more screwed up paper; Chinese.
What to do? Who asked me to be such a loser.

I think I shouldn't have gone to RGS. I don't know why throughout the course of my life, all that I know how to make are wrong decisions.
I chose RGS out of rash and rush, thinking that it was the top girls school and everything.
And I forgot about RJC or HCJC, for that matter.
And look at what I have landed myself into.
Heartaches and an almost totally screwed up secondary school life.
Ah wellz. Lets be a sour grape. Maybe a secondary school life in NYGH won't be that much different, either.

I have the following to do today:
1. WSC Essay.
2. SRI test.
3. Something :D
4. Make sure I am 100000000% sure of whatever I need to know for Lit on Wed.
5. Pract keyboard.

On a brighter note, AWDII starts tomorrow (:
I hope I get Jasmine again, and I am looking forward to seeing Melody! :D

Time for SRI.

hi wuyou

2010-04-11T20:35:00.004+08:00

Happy Birthday, WuYou Bestie! (L)(L)(L)
Thanks for always being there for me, making lemonade out of the lemons in my life. (:
You're irreplaceable, and I love you ALWAYS (:
Besties and Awesome Centers ftw!
Enjoy (the rest of) your day (:

P.S. your present's coming VERY SOON :D

fire burning

2010-04-11T15:52:00.006+08:00

"Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live." - Mark Twain

Short break before starting on WSC essay. After all, I am going to finish Lit and have finished all my school homework.

Today the Lord showed me Job. I think He's making me the next Job. I will past the test, Lord! Thank You for always being there for me. (: Go ahead and take everything away from me; they are yours anyway.
But just let the test fall on me, and me alone.
I love You, Lord.

I got this while browsing through the batch blog. Yeah I think it's time you guys know that I actually know the url and the existence of this blog. And nope no one told me I found it out myself. I googled it. Go ahead and change the url or lock it. Yup, that means that I know what you guys have be so called doing behind my back since long time ago. Anyway, the picture.

Whatever happened to our innocence, our bonded-ness. This sounds wrong but if going against me makes you guys more bonded,
Go ahead.
It feels better seeing you guys bonded, even if it means that I can't ever bond with you guys.
I lost that initial feeling towards rgsbasketball, or basketball, even.
I think we have all forgotten how to smile,
From our hearts.
Whatever. It's just a few more trainings to go. I don't actually understand why she's even calling us back. Maybe something went wrong with the connection, yet again.
I don't know why this is becoming an ordeal to survive through.

Alrighty, lets start on essay and chuck away all these unhappy thoughts
(:
At least doing essay = makes me think of WSC team = makes me happy.

Right. My dad's calling the entire family out now. Change of plans to memorising the last part of lit first.
And math's STILL not signed (:

taste of perfection

2010-04-10T20:41:00.004+08:00

I passed by that place today. Yup, everything flooded back.
I could still make you out from your silhouette.
I knew what you were doing.
I miss doing all those with you.
I thought I c0uld let it all go.
But apparently, no.
I miss you.
Cos once you've gotten a taste of perfection,
You won't settle for anything less.

-

Please stop blaming yourself.
Please cheer up.
I know you won't see this but,
You are actually freaking me out already.
It's not your fault. Some things are just meant to be.
You are awesome, and all of us can see that.

-

I really don't like the idea that the entire world is treating me like a weakling;
I'm someone who breaks down once touched.
I am really not that fragile.
The reason why I even dare to cry in front of you is because,
I trust you guys.
But no.
I won't cry again.
Not in front of you guys at least.
And I'll prove to you that I am not who you think I am.

-

Maybe I'll understand why he is like that one day.
Because work,
Is the best way one numbs himself.

-

Math PT is done. Math Unit Summary is done. Math paper's not signed. I feel like a loser for Chem. I have to mug Bio, Physics and Lit. I have to finish Physics assignment and Chinese compo.
I don't feel happy. At all. I feel like a loser.

"By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it. The nonexistent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired." - Kafka

crazy training

2010-04-10T06:26:00.003+08:00

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why we call it ‘The Present’." - Eleanor Roosevelt

LOLZ to yesterday's training:

Rebecca: Anqi you don't look like a mother.
Anqi: HUH!!!! I GIVE BIRTH TO ONE LET YOU SEE!
(on really random topics...I don't remember how we got there)

Mr Ong: Get yourself a simple motion and go into the bathroom to debate with yourself.
(on how to improve your debating skills)

Annabelle: I hope that when others ask about me, you'll give the same response: Cannot tell.
Yufei: Orh okay I know. I'll ask everyone to call you "cannot tell" from now on k :D
(on not telling)

I'd rather it be debate lessons from now on lol.

Anyway. I flunked Chem. RAWR. I'm going to shameless again and beg for marks.
ANNOYINGZ. It's freaking CHEM. I'm supposed to do well. First Math, then Chem. And they are my BEST subjects. WTH?
(but again, I have not gotten back my paper.)
Talking about which. My math is still not signed. Should I forge?

Anyway, the procrastinator officially have the following to do:
1. Math PT indiv part
2. WSC essay
3. SS readings
4. Chinese compo
5. Physics assignment
6. Study for exams (I am really going to fail Lit)
7. WSC note
DIE LE LAH.

Be a best friend

2010-04-08T19:37:00.003+08:00

"Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but playing a poor hand well."- Jack London

I didn't fail Math after all haha. It was a case of "if you don't me pass and my mum kills me, I'll haunt you" LOLS my math teacher's so funny. (;

Studied in school with De, Jean, Nico and Parisa. Thanks guys (:

I can feel my brain dying and thus deproving. I need a dose of WSC ah.
I should stop being so slack and do some proper work, SOON. Maybe that will revive my critical thinking skills, too.

Oh yes. My knee is trying its best to murder me. And guess what. Training resumes on 19Apr. How awesome is that screw the woman stuff dirty bball socks into her mouth.

WORK TIME! Physics, Bio or Lit?

"Be a best friend, tell the truth, and over-use “I love you,” go to work, do your best, don’t outsmart your common sense, never let your prayin’ knees get lazy, and love like crazy."- Lee Bruce

Pretty notebooks

2010-04-07T15:33:00.004+08:00

"I’ve been making a list of the things they don’t teach you at school. They don’t teach you how to love somebody. They don’t teach you how to be famous. They don’t teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don’t teach you how to walk away from someone you don’t love any longer. They don’t teach you how to know what’s going on in someone else’s mind. They don’t teach you what to say to someone who’s dying. They don’t teach you anything worth knowing." - Neil Gaiman

I bought a pretty notebook for WSC today (:
Which means I should feel motivated to study and stop wasting so much time.
Ms Siow cheated my feelings; there are no answers to heat capacity ):

Anyway, English was camwhore block.

These people are the LOVE (:

Okay. Nap + Math (: And WSC and RMUN and BIO and PHYSICS and LIT okay! :D

A little poem

2010-04-06T21:11:00.002+08:00

Live. Love. Laugh.

Life is an ironic thing.
How is it possible to cheer for them, when your own battle scars have yet to heal.

Sometimes, you just gotta accept your blunders,
Instead of trying so, so hard to hide them.

Cos they get obvious, yes they do.
And you don't get anywhere.

Lyrics, they ring in my head.
Drawing back those memories, not that far away.

A little poem, that sums up my life currently.

rgsbasketball bdiv'10

2010-04-05T15:37:00.008+08:00

BDiv 2010, ended.

I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to act, I don't know what to feel.
I don't know if they're happy, I don't know if they are sad.

Whatever it is, I'm not very happy.
And I wonder how they are now.

Haiz.

-

It was really, really, really sad to see him like that today.
I swear, I was going to cry.
I miss him.
I can't believe I used to hate him so much.
Cos now, I'm loving and missing him so much more.
Haiz.

Look at us, we're laughing so happily. Genuine happiness. At least for me.

I miss the rgsbasketball that I knew,
The one that I loved after one week of training,
The one I cry with, laugh with, train with, like there was no tomorrow,
The one that always made me happy.
We thought nothing could ever tear us apart,
And we always believed that double champs could be ours,
One day.

It's all wrong, and it's all gone.

-

I didn't get back Math after all; thanks Aaron for that comment, you're super nice! :D
Bio after nap; my eyes are threatening to snap shut this very moment.

-

Lit is done, Physics will be done very soon, I WILL start on Bio today. Maybe I'll need to lock my computer away again. Tsk yufei.

Ramble on

2010-04-04T18:02:00.003+08:00

"Its about how you’re like a lighthouse, always searching far into the distance. But the thing you’re looking for is usually close to you and always has been. That’s why you have to look within yourself to find answers instead of searching beyond." - Susane Colasanti (Waiting For You)

I'm getting sick of Physics. It's easy; the questions, the concepts.
But I know the paper won't. Zzz. That's the problem with Physics Dept. They make everything so simple, and bam they come with a super tough paper.

Service today was really, really touching.
Well, I almost cried.
And it's really touching to see people literally standing up from wheelchairs. Like right in front of your eyes.
Praise God, Jesus You're alive!

I think it's damn Math. I can't get it our of my head, thus no motivation to study.

And I think I am super emotional these day, forever on the verge of tears.
Even like during times when I pract keyboard?

Dinner time!

My mum is FUCKING WEIRD.
She having a freaking menopause and thus the entire family has to go through with her.
She should go and DIE.
And she should buy gold with all her money or something and hug them to sleep every night.
Zzz.

Tomorrow this time, I think I'll be chased out of house.

My (most) awesome team

2010-04-03T20:28:00.004+08:00

"Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them”. - William Shakespeare

You guys are great,
Just the way you are.
I love you guys.

You guys make me forget everything,
Math, Bio, Physics, All those
Unhappy stuff.

I love you guys,
Just the way you are.

I can't wait to fly to Shanghai with you all.
I can't wait to mug with you all, debate with you all,
Laugh, cry, scream, freak out,
Love,
With you all.

I love WSC TLL team, 2010. (L)

You guys make me happy,
Just the way you are.

-

Chinese Lit is surprisingly done. Except for my three strands of grass sianzsx. Bio and Physics up next. Physics is too easy to be true, seriously.

Wellwell. I shall go reinforce Lit sometime later.

Ohoh, tennis is coolz. 8D

You can put the blame on me

2010-04-02T17:42:00.007+08:00

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself." - Harvey Fierstein

Unit summary, DONE. (:

I'm really scared of Math now.
UGH IT'S NOT GETTING OUT OF MY HEAD RAWR this is so annoyingz.

Anyway.
Lunch was good today.
And my mum's deciding to start on tennis.
She spent more than $300 on tennis stuff, shoes, rackets, tennis balls,
At forty.
Well well, blame it on life-long learning.

Anyway I came across many interesting books today (!!!) rain $$$ please I want to buy all of them!
I thought this is cool - "Nobody here is as good as everybody here." - Mac's business principle, on how they embrace diversity. Yes I know what the hell you're thinking. What a good debate/essay example!

"All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you." - Wayne Dyer

Yes, it is to you. And to me, too.

Anti-depressant

2010-04-01T06:45:00.004+08:00

"Forgetting doesn't make it all better, it just makes it hurt again when I remember." - Cynthia

Cheer up friend.

Math is not going away.
I really hope she had forgotten to mark one of my questions.
Please.
Ugh.
I want Mr Leek back ):

So I did finish my Bio and Physics notes after all. So maybe I'll treat myself to a movie in an attempt to take my brain off Math.

It's funny how Math was the only subject that I mugged and I'm getting a 35% for it.
Not helping that I've failed journal.
Okay whatever. 85% for everything else that comes!

-

I think I suck.
I give people hell cos in their opinion, I'm being too hard on myself.
I think it's because I have not been able to let the fact that I am a loser sink into me.
But I guess it sinks deeper with every failure I go through.
Yeah, like what my mum said, it doesn't make sense for someone to fail all the time,
There must be something wrong with the person.
Sorry friends. I will stop pursuing self worth from now on, cos I don't deserve any anyway.
Maybe that would help me stop losing friends.
-

Sorry, it has been really long, but you're irreplaceable.
Yes, moved on, new friends, new company, and even new guy friends,
But none meets up to you.
Imy. ):

-

I don't care if they want to fight on or not; they have to.
They have to win Unity by 5 points on Monday. I don't care; they don't have a choice.
Ugh. I miss (fighting with, playing with, training with, being with) them; I knew I was part of them back then.

-

I think I'm falling into depression.

The only reason that I hold on

2010-03-31T15:01:00.005+08:00

"You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, even months analyzing a situation, trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, should’ve, or would’ve happened. Or you can just put the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on."

I failed Math 2.
FAILED Math.
35% for MATH.

There goes my H2 Math.
There goes BCME.
There goes medicine.
There goes mission.

I lose things, lose marks, lose results, lose interviews, lose opportunities,
Lose friends, lose dreams, lose hopes, lose fighting spirit, lose goals,
And I'm on the verge of losing myself.

So what else can I lose, except for my life?

I don't like what I'm [seemingly] succeeding,
And I'm not succeeding in what I like.
I can't keep those I love near me, safe and sound, and happy.
I lost my teammates, batchmates.
I can try forever and all that I get is nothing but the line,
Loser, why are you still trying?

Everyone's good at something, if not studying.
I'm not good at anything.
Don't say basketball, everyone has gotten into team for at least once in their 3-4 years, except for the loser here.
Don't say studies, or explain to me why I am failing Math. Nope, paper's too hard's not a reason.
Don't say WSC, I screwed up econs cos I couldn't think fast enough. And now I'm scared of it, I don't want to approach it anymore.
I can't really think of anymore atm.

I am driving myself crazy.

"Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever." -Lance Armstrong

Thus, I am NOT wallowing in self-pity, I am studying for Biology.
Because I promised her.
And if I can finish all my notes by today, I'll go out tomorrow. Maybe it'll take my mind off Math.
Cos I thought I was suicidal on the bus home just now.

Missing

2010-03-29T14:48:00.004+08:00

“ Along the way, I’ve learned that you can’t let anyone in too far and you can’t trust endlessly. The biggest mistake you can make is to care or love someone more than yourself, because then you are just setting yourself up for disappointment. Boundaries are necessary so that you can protect yourself, because once you’re broken, you’ll never be fully fixed. ”

I'm missing a lot of things now.

I miss rgsbasketball.
I miss training with them, getting scolded, water breaks, jokes, physical, cramming into mr ang's car, talking rubbish, games, everything, with them.
rgsbasketball = sec4'10 batchmates, sec3s, sec2s, sec1s juniors, Mr Ang and Mr Ong.
Not anyone else. For now.

I miss WSC.
I miss the competition, I miss that kind of rush you get,
But I miss the people more.
I miss going crazy with them, whining and laughing and doing last minute cramming with them, talking rubbish, staying up, quizzing each other, screaming when we realise that we didn't memorise something, attacking each other's schools, so many.
WSC = Seniors + Juniors + Trainers.
I don't want to think about June; I can't stand it.

Guess what.
Life changed.
And I don't miss you anymore.

Btw, the most trivial of all, Chem and English were fine. Well maybe not fine when I didn't manage to finish English and got one mark deducted for Chem so far.
To all my friends who THINK they screwed Chem up. 1. I bet you didn't and 2. There are so many other exams you can score in!

I really hope you're not angry with me. ): I'm so sorry.

"The pride of the peacock is the glory of God.
The lust of the goat is the bounty of God.
The wrath of the lion is the wisdom of God.
The nakedness of woman is the work of God." - William Blake

End of part one;

2010-03-28T18:11:00.003+08:00

"I have no regrets. I wouldn’t have lived my life the way I did if I was going to worry about what people were going to say." - Ingrid Bergman

First part's finally over.
I found out that I really truly deeply madly love my teammates.
And I think I've annoyed them.
And I feel sad and sorry and worried and determined to cut off my tear glands.
I LOVE ANNABELLE HUA AND CHENG ANQI (L)

Time for Chem.

-

Some people are just F-A-K-E.
While some others are living in SELF DENIAL.
Well, take a GOOD LOOK at yourself before making any comments; you really don't match up to your words.

-

Bronze for Arts, a gift from God. (:

Quotes

2010-03-27T21:50:00.002+08:00

Tired,
But all the hard work paid off.
(:

Bowl tomorrow. So a quick post here and off I go to memorize my Econs and Science. I WILL SUCCEED!

Some nice quotes, in replacement for a picture. (:

"It’s not books you need, it’s some of the things that once were in books. The same things could be in the “parlour families” today. The same infinite detail and awareness could be projected through the radios and televisors, but are not. No, no, it’s not books at all you’re looking for! Take it where you can find it, in old phonograph records, old motion pictures, and in old friends; look for it in nature and look for it in yourself. Books were only one type of receptacle where we stored a lot of things we were afraid we might forget. There is nothing magical in them at all. The magic is only in what books say, how they stitched the patches of the universe together into one garment for us. " - Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

Haha books suck burn them! (x

"It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default."- J.K. Rowling

I really like this. (: But well maybe it doesn't apply to losers like me cos I fail too many times alr. Haiz.

"Nothing Brings People together more than mutual hatred" - Henry Rollins

A world divided much? :D

OKAY! Cup/Bowl time. Should I drown myself in coffee? Sounds tempting.

Love, me.

2010-03-27T06:00:00.004+08:00

Fight on,
Please.

-

It's 2 hours to WSC and I can't sleep. Oh wells. Maybe I should have spent this time remembering more stuff like history and Al Rassan, but I don't care.

I love WSC'10 team. Everyone. (L)

Sorry I know I am like the official cry baby + loser + weakling of WSC alr.
I promise, I will severe my tear glands when I get the chance to. It is ANNOYING OKAY I swear.

Ah I just so many things things to say but I can't express it out ugh I hate words. But it's okay I'll give everyone a one liner here. :D
AARON haha thanks for being a nice taptap opponent! Loves.
BEATRIX thanks for being a really cute + funny + awesome junior! Loves.
BENNY thanks for being so ever super nice encouraging me giving me positive feedback! Loves.
DAYNA thanks for forever being drunk cos it's really entertaining! Loves.
CLARENCE thanks for being the same ol' clare-bear that's so fun to bully! Loves.
EDINA thanks for being a really nice junior who's fun to be with! Loves.
GALEN haha I like the motion THBT Galen should be executed. Loves.
GLORIA thanks for being Doraemon you shall always be! Loves.
JIYEON short hair ftw! You're awesome, Loves.
KIMBERLY haha thanks for being cute + awesome + appreciating my cookies! Loves.
MIN SEOK thanks for being the IRRITATING North Korean! Loves.
REBECCA thanks for always being there. Loves.
SATHIA we have so many things in common but the most important thing is we're BOTH cool. Loves.
WAN YII haha thanks for being...cute sorry lack of words sucks. Loves!
YIWEI thanks for being awesome and being yourself when you're around me. Loves.

And of course.

"Remember that time when we were first assigned teams? I was so afraid. Because I know you two are very good and I was afraid that I would pull us down. But through the many trainings we had and we got to know each other better, I became less afraid. You two are still very pro. It's just that I begin to have faith in you guys that I can depend on you and you won't blame me for anything and you guys would probably shoot me if I'm too hard on myself. The faith that you guys are and will always be there for me, thick and thin. That gave me confidence. Now, I hope you can have this faith in me and Anqi as well. It's not the outcome that matters, it's the journey. We are here for each other and we love each other very very much. [...]" - Annabelle.

You know what friends. I do. And that's the reason why I dare to stand on that stage even to speak, because I know you guys won't ever shoot me down for making the stupidest mistakes. I know that even if I pull the two of you down, which I most probably would, you guys will still love me the way I am.
Thank you for loving me, my dearest, irreplaceable teammates, Anqi and Annabelle (L)

AH I AM A SUCKER AT WORDS RAWR.

0.5 hours to leaving house. Starting on Psychology now. (Not from the beginning, don't worry)

-

Right.
Happy 16th Steph Siow! Belated fine. (L)

Basketball

2010-03-24T17:12:00.003+08:00

I am having basketball withdrawal symptoms. ):

I MISS TRAINING I MISS RUNNING I MISS DRILLS I MISS PANTING I MISS CHEERING I MISS LAUGHING I MISS FORMATIONS I MISS WARM UPS I MISS SWEATY TEAMMATES I MISS TOUCHING THE BASKETBALL I MISS MY SHOES I MISS WATER BREAKS I MISS DEBRIEF

I MISS JUNIORS I MISS BATCHMATES I MISS RGBBALL

I MISS WATCHING BBALL ON TV AND TALKING ABOUT THEM IN TEAM

I want to go back for training.
But it's okay.
I will.
Next week.
Next week.
WHOO!
NINE DAYS.
:D
Hopefully no more disruptions.
Or I'll die.
Cos it'll be like,
ONE ENTIRE MONTH WITHOUT BBALL.
O:

Crossroads;

2010-03-24T16:57:00.003+08:00

Math is screwed. I mean seriously, I really just needed 5 more minutes. Sucks.
I'm friggin depressed.

AHH WHATEVER.

Chem up next. I better get to the bottom of Electro-Chem.
Remember our study dates, Nico and De. (L)

-

I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do.
They just stopped fighting.
Yeah, I want them to fight on.
I want them to win it.
But are they willing?
Will they be happy?

I don't know, I just want them to be happy.
Cos I love them.

-

"She stares at herself in the mirror. She doesn’t notice how gorgeous she is. She doesn’t give herself credit for being such a great person. A wonderful friend. A great listener. He doesn’t see her beauty, and now, neither does she. "- (I'm not mentioning)

#101 Accomplished!

2010-03-23T13:49:00.004+08:00

The title says it all. :D

I have finished:
1. Math Assignment all the questions all on my own :D
2. Economics mind map for part 2 :D

And I will finish:
1. Memorising Art and Music :D
2. Reading Economics part 1 :D

And these had made me feel actually prepared for my exams and not as hopeless for WSC :D
(I'll do Chinese and SS tomorrow.)

I LOVE MCs. OFFICIALLY.
Ohoh, studying with DE (L) tomorrow :D

#100

2010-03-22T20:56:00.004+08:00

Yufei starts her crazy emo crap once again, isn't it.
But well, that really sums up a lot that I want to say.

I bet you've blocked me, but.

Anyway. Here's an announcement.
I'M NOT GOING TO SCHOOL TOMORROW ;D
I can't memorize my art and music ):
I have not decided what topic to memorize tomorrow.
And I haven't finish econs.
Okay, that's four announcements.

Ah wellz. Back to art!

It's nothing, it's just the picture. It's pretty.

Mindless ramblings;

2010-03-22T15:39:00.005+08:00

YEAH MANZ.

Papers are not scary.
The new church seems pretty good. And it's call Centre of New Life :D

Except for WSC.
Which should just be pushed back for 1 month.
I promise I'll study if it is actually pushed back for one month.

No training this week.
That would sum up to be a whole 3 weeks without bball.
C'mon manzsx. One more week to a whole month.
Ruined by the woman. Cool manzsx.

Anyway.
Fixtures are out and they are screwed.
Well well.
Weird schools are in finals. O.O
Whatever.
All the best anyway.
Try to last past the first round. Seriously. Not because of your skills, but because of your mindset.
Here's a quote.

Mistakes are part of the game. It's how well you recover from them, that's the mark of a great player. - Alice Cooper

Well. Whatever it is. Don't take offense from a lunatic's blog.

Bye. It's Math, Chinese and WSC.

Remember me;

2010-03-20T19:41:00.003+08:00

Movie with Annabelle today (: HEART TO HEART TALKS FTW. ;D Well, or otherwise known as noisy chatter. (x

I just realised that 5 jianbaos are due on Monday. Excellent-o.

-

Emotions wasted. Literally.
It's alright. I'm the crazy one, all the time, anyway.

Hurting myself;

2010-03-20T08:30:00.003+08:00

you have to know how to protect yourself. from danger and from broken hearts. sometimes you might be able to cure your broken heart. but that is not easy to do. and it probably takes a very long process for it to heal completely. sometimes it may never even heal completely.

you have to know how to protect your heart because that's the only organ that is true to you. your mind might play tricks on you. but your heart simply would not.

But I don't know how to do just all that.

Hey guys, I'm really fine. I know now I feel like some weakling to all of you and well. I don't blame you for that.
Ugh, sometimes I'm disgusted at myself.

Well, yes I broke down during debate yesterday. Stupid right. I thought that was the dumbest thing to do rawr. No, I swear, it wasn't purely about the debate.
Well it was, partially. Don't say it was good. I know you don't mean it you're just being nice. It sounded so super screwed lah. Everyone was like giving me this are you talking rubbish look.
Okay then part two is the whole stupid quiz thing rawr I almost got everything wrong. I can't memorise details!!! So I have to be good in debate. Like that's kinda the reason I got in in the first place. This is bad. Really bad.

And well, all those added together are still not the main reason. They are the sparks, yes. But. No.

-

My life's screwed. And I have been the cause of it.
You know what, I can't even take care of my own life. Every part of my damn life is screwed. Idk why but it just is.
I can't keep my friends with me. Even if I can, it's just temporary. And even if I can, I can't keep them safe.
So what if I can keep all the memories with me wherever I go? It just shows that I'm only capable of doing so.
I mean, He doesn't even care.
Damn it lah.

And you know what. If I screw WSC up, which I most probably do,
I should just go and jump off the building.
Useless lah. Three years in bball and not even zone team. So what if I'm actually the only person who cares? It's just epic useless. And plus, I suck at the sport anyway. So who am I to even care.
So what if I like it manzsx.

I can't do anything properly lah.

What's the point. I'm just born screwed and a loser. Like epic loser.

-

Anyway, thanks guys. (: All of you; trainers and teammates. (L) you guys ttm. :D
Sorry for having such a useless and screwed teammate like me. ):

Persona;

2010-03-19T07:41:00.001+08:00

And btw, I don't need you to take up my persona.

Guys and Girls;

2010-03-18T23:09:00.003+08:00

Girls are dumb, and are bound to get their hearts broken.
And guys are jerks. Forever.

WSC'2010 (L)

2010-03-18T22:29:00.003+08:00

I think today's WSC was really really fun! Yay me loves muah team :D I think everyone's getting really bonded! :D YAYYYYYYY (L)

Aaron Annabelle Anqi Beatrix Benny Clarence Dayna Edina Galen Gi Heung Gloria Kimberly Min Siok Rebecca Sathia Wan Yii Yiwei Yufei + Ms Yap Mr Tern Mr Ong Mr Lu Ms Hoe Ms Ong;
(L)(L)(L) !

Lunch with them tomorrow, and dinner with HMCA TEAM! (L)

-

It's alright, I don't have to have YOUR BOYFRIEND as my bestfriend. Like, eww, sick.
Even if it has all been a lie, you won't even understand those things we've done before, WITHOUT YOU.
But whatever. AnyTHING associated with you should have already been automatically labeled with (fill in the terms you want yourself).
Whatever. You won't even see me again. So I guess it's pretty useless rebutting this point, which I forsee you will, but still.
It should be thoroughly illogical to you anyway.

-

No really, stop trying so hard.

-

Bye.

I love him, really ):

2010-03-18T11:10:00.005+08:00

他的輕狂留在某一節車廂
地下鐵裡的風比回憶還重
整座城市一直等著我
有一段感情還在漂泊

對他唯一遺憾是分手那天
我奔騰的眼淚都停不下來
若那一刻重來我不哭
讓他知道我可以很好

我愛他轟轟烈烈最瘋狂
我的夢狠狠碎過卻不會忘
曾為他相信明天就是未來
情節有多壞都不肯醒來

我愛他跌跌撞撞到絕望
我的心深深傷過卻不會忘
我和他不再屬於這個地方
最初的天堂最終的荒唐*

如果還有遺憾又怎麼樣呢
傷了痛了懂了就能好了嗎
曾經依靠彼此的肩膀
如今各自在人海流浪

我愛他轟轟烈烈最瘋狂
我的夢狠狠碎過卻不會忘
逃不開愛越深越互相傷害
越深的依賴越多的空白
該怎麼去愛

如果還有遺憾是分手那天
我奔騰的眼淚都停不下來
若那一刻重來我不哭
讓他知道我可以很好

I love you. Yes, those memories still haunt me. Yes, sorry I'm weak, I can't stop crying for you.
Sorry, I truly promise to be brave.

HI ANQI :D

2010-03-18T07:42:00.003+08:00

You know that I love you (:
Don't stress out for WSC k. I know it's tough but we'll all be here!
Love you forever (:

bestfriends;

2010-03-17T19:17:00.003+08:00

I have 4 bestfriends. Though I lost 2 along the way, I still consider them as my bestfriends.

I consider them as my bestfriends because:
1. We have telepathy (:
2. They'll do anything for me.
3. They are extraordinary.
4. I'm willing to die for them (well not really counted since I don't mind dying for any of my friends)
5. They are the ones who create the most amount of memories with me.
6. They are the ones who can make me smile like a lunatic for hours.
7. They are just the ones I love with all my heart. (:

Like what he said, one can have so many friends, so many good friends,
But he can only have one/a few bestfriends.

Love you guys, you 4 should know who you are.

But I love my other friends too. (:
Like how he did it.

-

I miss basketball. Both the sport, and the team I train with. MAYBE even batchmates, idk.

Fighting;

2010-03-13T23:11:00.004+08:00

I got into RMUN after all. THANKS SO MUCH SHERYL ;D You're awesome (L)

WSC was superrrr demoralizing. Like I was below average for art and can't understand quantum physics when the entire class has.
But it's alright.
I'm going to mug for it like crazy. Mug mug mug.

Tomorrow's academics day. I WILL sort out ALL my notes and start reading them and finish all revision exercises and papers that I need to. I WILL DO IT.
English Math Chinese mostly. Everything else is almost done, anyway :D

-

On 13/3, your birthday. I wonder if you have given up on the friendship. I wonder if you think that there's really no need to try anymore. But I can't blame you. And I won't. Cos though I might appear to care a lot in smses, presents, msn, whatever not, I can never muster up the courage to even TALK to you in church. I'm a nobody. I had never really fought for you, for your friendship and everything. I'm not worth you, I'm sorry.
Today was supposedly the last time I can see your face, hear your voice, hear the keyboard we used to love, and where we started, and everything. So I guess it's alright? I really wanted today to be better, to be one that I can remember. But well. What did I expect, right.
This might be a farewell for life, or maybe you'd see me again in June. Whatever it is, I don't know. But what I really want you to know is that, I have never, ever, ever in any moment regretted this friendship, and I can safely say that throughout the course of this 4 years, I have never, ever treated this friendship with less that wholehearted. I have no regrets, and I don't hate you for leaving me out of your life at the very end. Whatever it is, I just want to tell you, thanks for all the lovely memories during the course of this 4 years. Thank you so much; you've really made me human; made me go though sadness, joy, love, everything.
Just want to wish you all the best, in all that you do. Please keep me posted on your fixtures, I will definitely go down (:
ILY, CKZL. (:

11/3;

2010-03-12T07:56:00.004+08:00

On 11/3, I feel that everything has gone back to normal. Here I am, the person you share almost everything with, first. Always. I feel so proud of you and happy for you, really. And thanks for making me the first, again, to receive the pleasant news. (L)

-

Was in the library with ANQI (L) yesterday. Well. Math made me depressed. But textbooks do help lots. :D At the least, they INSPIRE. Yeah, I actually finished the entire Revision Exercise 1. ;D
One more chapter to finish reading whatever I have to, for today's session! :D JOYYYYYY ;D
I shall pretend that Chinese is non existent.
English, Bio, Physics, Chem, Lit are non existent, too. I'm going to finish WSC and then take a look at hmm Chinese. YEAH. :D

-

Rain down on me, rain down on me; here in Your presence I am free. (L)
Before any WSC, KEYBOARD! (L)

2010-03-10T21:24:00.002+08:00

Why are you so fake?
Is fame really that important to you?

Yeah, cut the crap about all those empty promises. Seriously?

You changed, to someone that no one recognizes already.
Stop saying that I'm not trying. Because I currently feel ashamed to be related to you,
Even in terms of acquaintances.

Get the hell out of my life. I don't know who you are.

2010-03-10T16:36:00.003+08:00

I'd like to make myself believe,
That planet Earth turns slowwwwwly.

So that it'll actually wait for me.

-

There's still Nats people.

-

WSC. Bio + Chinese + Math tomorrow. But I love tomorrow anyway. Since I'll be FREEE to do anything that I want to, or in other words study as much as I can :D Yay.
(That sounded a little crazy, I admit.)

I'm looking forward to Friday :D ALICE IN WONDERLAND W ANQI + YIWEI! :D yay manzsx. And HMCA reunion lunch (L)(L)(L)
Life's good manzsx.

Maybe I should start working on the debate. And maybe I can go for a SWIM later on! :D

-

I forgot how it felt to love someone; the pain, the joy, the never forgetting memories of how when he takes a glance at you and your heart starts racing faster than any cheetah in the world.
And that doesn't feel good.
Seriously, I feel a lot less human since I stopped liking him. And currently reduced to taking each other as strangers.
Hmm.

I miss those times with you. And you. Be it crushing or not.

-

-On our way to tuition yesterday, after netball ssa-
WuYou: Let's go toilet let's go!
Yufei: o.O Are you normal?
WuYou: NO! I'm the incident ray :D

2010-03-08T20:00:00.001+08:00

I baked today! :D Me very happy. People are getting them as birthday presents, again. (:

And I got my Nanny Bot already :D

Should I support netball tomorrow? ): I really want to, but there are gonna be random ppl which makes everything so awkward. D:

2010-03-07T13:08:00.003+08:00

On 6/3, I could feel that you want us back again. I wonder if you can feel so in me, too. But whatever it was, I know you knew I didn't try, again, to let everything go back to normal. I know you're disappointed. I'm sorry for being the loser who only know how to cry when things happen.
Maybe next week. After all, its your birthday.

-

I don't like Chinese Lit cos I have missing handouts. I think in my fury, I burnt them.

(Relax, the second line's a lie.)

-

I finished my Chinese Lit notes! How was that possible, I don't know. I'm going to treat myself to a break, finish up Caleb's present and start on WSC. (:

And to top it off, I'VE GOTTEN TWO PARTS TO THE NANNY BOT. :D
So here's the whining: I WANT MY 3RD PARTTTTTTT! (yes I get what I whine. For MH only :D)

2010-03-06T23:23:00.002+08:00

Yeah. Every freaking thing is my fault. Yeah yeah whatever, so what if you didn't spit it out?
You are thinking it, and it freaking SHOWS please?

C'mon lah. Stop thinking that you're so freaking great and that no matter what happens, you're not in the wrong.

Because, YOU FREAKING ARE IN THE WRONG. Yes, I'm saying it to your face now.

2010-03-06T23:06:00.002+08:00

Next week is learning journey. Next next week is March hols. Day off on 1st April. Add together = a lot of time for WSC + SAs. :D

Me happy. :D

Wednesday's game against SC, 1pm at Delta. Maybe you wanna come and support my team. And I think I need a solution for my lj. Hmmm.

Anyway Founders was pretty well weird? But I liked Zhang Rui's performance. Thanks for the day anqi dear (L)

Physics, SS and CLit tomorrow. AH I NEED TO SETTLE MY LJ LAAAAA so annoying. Ivana you better reply or I'm calling you. LJ is so irritating )<

-

Can you please tell me why is it this hard? ): It's hard for you, and hard for me. Your eyes gave you away. Both of you, in fact.
Why can't we just end it?
I wonder.

2010-03-04T16:46:00.004+08:00

Whatever happened to hopes, dreams, aspirations, promises and secrets.
I realised. It was just a big fat lie.
Now get out of my sight.

-

Eyes don't lie. I won't ever forget how childlike and happy you were when you told me you wanted to go for this course. And took a million flyers of the course. Telling the whole world you wanted to fly a plane.
And now, what is this?

Yeah, I am pissed with you. Maybe for once in my life.

Whatever.

-

And I shall go invent some homework for myself.
Oh, I flunked the stupid Bio test today. It was so freaking simple, yet I can't do it properly. I had to be careless. I had to flunk it. Yeah just HAD TO.
I don't understand why I am forever such a loser.

2010-03-01T20:41:00.002+08:00

The day the computer started misbehaving,

Is that day that I have to write out a Commonwealth Essay based on it. ==

Oh and btw, I failed Math Journal. Awesome. I need to get it signed. Double Awesome. Does anyone want to forge it for me? :D

12 days to finish drawing 56 pages. Triple Awesome.

2010-02-28T20:38:00.003+08:00

Sorry, I'm really afraid of losing you, like what I had before, so many times. I don't know how I am supposed to literally, survive, if it happens again.
Sorry, I know I'm irritating at times, I know I'm too over at times.
I really don't want to lose you. You have no idea how I had led life in the past 4 months. And sorry, till now, I don't dare to let myself totally believe that everything has gone back to normal, no matter how much I try to fool myself at least into believe it.

You never know, how much you cheer me up, brighten my day, with one sms, one line, or just by letting me know that you're still my friend, who is the fool who believes in me no matter what happens, even though you refuse to admit to it.

I know. I know. I'm like the most idiotic person on Earth.

And I promise myself. I'll not cry anymore. Yufei is a big and strong girl. She shouldn't be crying ~~all the time~~ anymore.

And I'm still left with WSC.

2010-02-28T07:40:00.002+08:00

"According to Lamarck, if we keep stretching our necks, our future generations will become..."
"Giraffes?"

Classic ttm. <3

Chem Physics SS CLit WSC. Awesome shit, don't you think? I think I really need the library today.

2010-02-27T21:36:00.002+08:00

On 26/02, I was too late for service so I didn't go. Imy a lot and I mistook someone for you. ):

SL was awesome ttm I swear that Joseph is SUPER CUTE. :D I love him manzsx. :D Had quite a lot fun; they were saying that I was like very MOTHERLY but Joseph kept calling me korkor. ):

Training was alright too. (: Just that I now have A LOT to read. Nice...

The 3 words that form your name still hurts me like how it used to.

Alright, time for Chem. I'll sleep after Chem COS I NEED MY SLEEP. Okay bye. (:

2010-02-27T06:49:00.002+08:00

2 highlighters down. (:

It has been ages, so I am deviating from being so abstract to posting about daily life. :D

SLI was basically SUN SUN SUN. I think the performances were very failed and the most not failed on should be PB's. Ah wells. I don't think they had a lot of time so I guess it was quite good alr.

Anyway training yesterday was very funny cos it started raining during the last hour so we did gym with CDiv. And Ivana kept complaining that she was fat when she ISN'T ._. Haha and talked CHRISTIAN music with juniors haha! :D yay. But the only problem is...I have promised them to go for their services too which I hope won't clash with mine...hmm.

The second training of the day was alright. I AM STARTING TO LIKE LIT AH. ): Should have taken it, and not some loser Chinese Lit. Ah wellz. And I think the trainer was DAMN SMART like seriously? You won't even know it by looking at his face and hearing his (oops) a lil gay voice.

And I have SL today! (insert smiley) And training and service. (: I think I should start reading psychology. But I don't have a highlighter! ):

2010-02-25T16:47:00.002+08:00

On 22/02, you made everything alright again. That long long msn convo, I can still remember every word to it. And seriously, you've just gotten sweeter, haha. (x I feel like copying our entire convo onto this thing too haha. Yay, me loves you ttm. (:
Thanks for still believing in me, trusting me, making fun of me, making me laugh, creating more and more memories,
Like what you've used to do. (:
Promise me, no more disagreements alright. I promise I'll compromise more and stop being such a bitch. At times.
Friends forever, alright? (:

On 25/02, I realised that once you've truly fallen in love, any words along the lines of I've forgotten him, I've forgotten how it felt like to love him, are nothing but self deception.
So I've decided to stop deceiving myself. I love you and there's nothing to hide. I have loved you and I'll continue to love you.
There's nothing to be ashamed of.
So promise me, nothing will come between us, alright? No stars, no love stories; just a simple friendship, like a sailboat in a tiny stream.
That's enough for me, really.

-

WORK TIME! And it's like 5:00pm. :D

2010-02-24T18:10:00.002+08:00

Everything's fine again. (:
Those 3 words sound so much better than the 8 lettered one.

Anyway I should go and do work. And I shall be lazy and not run today. :D I have Math Chinese and something else. So many things. Wish me luck manzsx.

There's SLI on Friday. AND there's training. SIANZSX. But it's not like she'll call off training.

And I realised that I am starting to learn almost everything on my own. Which is kind of...bad. :/ But still. Our teachers suck. Like BIO gosh and maybe even Lit. But Lit is more because of me missing so many gazillion lessons for stats. Haiz.

Talking about which. Finals is on 10TH MARCH. You guys must come down and watch. Cos I want more supporters than SC. I don't like them cos they don't have sportsmanship. BLEH.

Okay I should stop crapping and start work. And oh, something really embarrassing happened during PE today. I need to differentiate between FLOORBALL and BASKETBALL. Seriously?

2010-02-21T18:26:00.002+08:00

Crude picture, but true.
'Cept for the fact that they are no longer there.

2010-02-21T18:19:00.003+08:00

I want to be like them.
A lifetime spent jamming, playing, recording, holding concerts,
With a wonderful band,
Creating powerful worship,
For God alone.

"I need our musicians to start composing our own songs. I want to be a worship pastor."
"That would be cool. Then me and him can be your musicians. (:"

2010-02-21T17:36:00.002+08:00

On 11/02, it was one of those jamming sessions like before. Though it was only 5 minutes, I enjoyed it, in solitary with you. But when it ended, I felt pulled back to reality. Oh, I enjoyed worship that night, very much too. Telepathy forthewin (:

On 16/02, you gave me a handshake when I asked for one. I was very much pleasantly surprised cos I thought you'd just ignore me. But you didn't so I decided to record down every nice thing you are doing to me.

On 17/02, you replied my sms. Yet another pleasant surprise.

On 20/02, you looked me in the eye and kicked the ball into my legs in a playful manner. But it was then I cried because of you so I just ignored you. I know that just made you feel that I have attitude problems. But well. Go ahead cos I don't really feel anything already. And on the other hand sorry for ignoring you.

On 21/02 (today), you told me that everything has been a misunderstanding. Which explains why you've been trying hard to revert back to where we left off, like what I have used to do.
I was very happy when I heard it. Or should I say, very relieved. But still there's a problem.
I can't bring myself to trust you again.
I wrote about you in my Chinese compo and I agree with what I wrote; wounds heal, but scars remain forever.
I'm sorry.

2010-02-19T17:45:00.002+08:00

I'm in Rebecca's class waiting for her to come. HURRY UP LAH WOMANNNNN!

Anyway training ended at like 5? Hmm. So yeah was very off f0rm and very no stamina and blahblahblah and I hope I managed to annoyed the bitch even a bit. Whatever laaaa. I'm not your nice lil girl who will beg you like some shameless slut for a place in the team.
I have my dignity so you ought to respect it. And don't make me scream at you. I'm telling you, this is so NOT a threat. _!_

And mousehunt is pretty screwed on this computer not good. ):

And YAY Rebecca is here so I shall end here :D

2010-02-15T07:36:00.003+08:00

I AM VERY EXCITED BY THE FACT THAT KAIWEN'S COMING TO MY HOUSE LATER FOR CNY (!!!)

Anyway yesterday's gathering was DEAD BORING. I shouldn't have gone. Blahblahblah. On a side note, I realised that I won't ever get married from yesterday's gathering as well. Random ttm? But it's true. My expectations are unreachable :D Any other aspiring FREAKING RICH spinsters? :D

I still have a lot of Chinese homework undone. And I haven't decided whether I should go for visitation with youths tomorrow. Ah wellz. I think we're climbing something like Mount Faber soon. Today. Whatever. I'm a pig I'm damn fat I can feel the gazillion layers of fats all over my muscles AH AH AH. D:

2010-02-12T19:06:00.003+08:00

Thanks EMILY GERMAINE ANQI CHARMAINE for the awesome outing today (L)(L)(L)!
And Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief is good :D And bring your boyfriend along hahaha :D Cos it gets freaky at times.

Meal was pretty rushed hurhur cos we lost our way went to freaky shaw place? Haha and settled for fast food.

And Germaine lost her pedant! ): Maybe we'll go shopping for one soon (:

OKAY LAH. I live in a well. Cos only till today did I know what's SLICE. Whateva xD If not for my slight lactose intolerance, I would have got an entire one for myself! :D

Homed with Germaine. Heart to heart talks ftw! (: Cheer up yoz, thanks for trusting me to share your problems. (L)

And VALENTINE'S DAY next week wheeeeee :D Photos will come when Charmaine decides to upload the pictures and tag moi :D

YAYYY I LOVE TODAY ;D

-

Service yesterday was alright. Zoomed home after service cos Daddy was there already. Haha telephathy. Thanks for that one minute of happiness. I swear, I felt that I was transported back to those times in that one minute. It came fast; and it left equally fast.
But it's alright. I mean, what can I actually expect from you right.

Just a disturbing fact that it rips me into two when it ended. Yeah, when you turned your back against me and walked away. No, you didn't just walk away from the keyboard; you walked away from my life. Yet again.

It's alright. At least, it will be, even if it means I force myself into it, cos you want me to do so.

-

Happy CNY people. (:

2010-02-10T19:00:00.001+08:00

I thought today's interview has been pretty good. (: Really hope that I'll get in. :/

Life has been boring. ANQI didn't go to school today so school has been boring. Boring boring boring. The only good thing's that we're not getting as much homework. All of a sudden hmm? Well maybe except shopping with my dad :D Heehee thanks daddy for the new bag :D

Anyway there's church tomorrow at 645pm haiz. Sho late! There's still school on Fri. And I am looking forward to Friday cos MOVIAYEEEEE :D Yay. :D

I want dates for Valentines! :D

Okayokay. Time for Math and 5 sets of Physical. I AM GETTING FAT LAAAAAA. Annoyingz.

2010-02-08T21:01:00.002+08:00

为什么人总是失去后才懂得珍惜？
I finally understand. Sorry, I'm not worthy.

And I talked too much today. Oops.
And I have not done any of my homework, and do not intend to do so.
I want to pract keyboardddddddd.

2010-02-07T21:47:00.002+08:00

Wonderful, I cried again over that issue. AGAIN.
Stupid loser Yufei.

Teach me how to forget you. Teach me how to forget all those things that happened amongst us.
Teach me how you did it; all of it.

I don't feel like filing my work.

I'm this useless piece of shit. Who am I to call myself a Child of God. I cannot do anything, cannot control my emotions, cannot put Him first in my life.
He gave up His life for me on the cross and yet I can't even give up my emotions for Him.
I'm unworthy. Unworthy of His life, unworthy of His flesh, His blood. I'm not fit to serve Him.
So who am I, to proclaim His goodness, His love, attempt to be a living testimony, pray in His name, play music in His name, everything.
I'm not worthy. And I disgrace Him.
Useless, worthless and a complete failure. That's what I am.

2010-02-07T11:22:00.003+08:00

Because I still love you, but you still love her;
So stop pretending that you care, when you don't, at all.

-

I think I'm awesome cos I managed to finish my homework. I decided that this is the year whereby I'm failing math so I decided to not give it a damn anymore.

I'm going to lock myself in the library later. Cut off the connection with computers. Anyone wanna join me? :D

-

P.S. the first 2 lines don't mean ANYTHING at all so don't read too much into it.

2010-02-06T21:03:00.001+08:00

AH HELP HELP I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO SSFA. ):

Anyway went out with mummy for cny shopping today. And made nice oatmeal cookies YUM :D Just that they're a bit too sweet...and I'm getting the formula from Addy for pineapple tarts soon heeheehee.

And I did nothing but my stupid sihan. Yufei's gonna be very motivated and study very hard for the whole of tomorrow YAY ME by cutting off my contact with the computer by locking myself in the library. (:

Maybe I should try Bio.

2010-02-04T17:22:00.002+08:00

Every word we converse hurts.
Pierce through my heart.
Sorry, it has been months, but my heart refuses to go on.
Because I was foolish; I took you as a friend that I couldn't live without.

Love, is not about find a person that you can live with,
but finding a person that you cannot live without.

-

Happy 5th Birthday Sissy.
Long way to go yes.

Now it's my long battle with SS.

-

sometimes, i really hate myself for being ever so weak. i can never get past myself. i can laden myself with tons and tons of commitments, competitions in an attempt to make myself feel a little triumphant. but it never worked. those words, no they didn't mean to hurt, but they did, and it hurt a lot, too.
yeah, i go on telling everyone that i'm alright. trying to convince myself too. but in reality, it's just the same as any other year. i can't step over to the brighter side of life.
and that, makes me the greatest loser of this world.

2010-02-03T21:24:00.002+08:00

DAMN IT YOU STUPID ENGLISH AA PPT UPLOADDDDDD FASTER RAWR.
(That was effective, it's DONE.)

I UNDERSTOOD BOTH CHEM AND PHY OVER ONE AFTERNOON AREN'T I A GENIUS? ;D

I AM GOING TO DIE OF DOING WORK.

AND BY SAYING THAT I AM FULLY AWARE THAT AFTER ONE AFTERNOON OF WORK, I HAVE WSC, SS AND WHATEVER CRAP WAITING FOR ME.
(SS can wait for another day. WSC has to be done. AHHH.)

I WANT AA TO END NOW.

I ATE A LOT AND DIDN'T EXERCISE TODAY. YAY ME I'M GONNA BECOME A PIG.

AND IVANA'S CARD'S NEVER GONNA GET DONE.

SO AM I NOT GOING TO BUY CORRECTION TAPE.

DAMN I HAVE TING XIE TOMORROW.

I HAVE TO GO OFF LIKE NOW.

BYE.

2010-01-31T20:38:00.003+08:00

Lets look at the amount of work that the slacker called Wang Yufei has to settle. (:

PPT for English AA
Compile essay for English AA
Sec 3 math notes II
Sec 3 Chinese notes II
~~Bio fertility notes~~
Chemistry Electrolysis notes
Physics Temperature + Pressure notes
~~Chinese Lit group work thingum~~
SS notes

WSC notes (READ THEM DAMN IT)
Debate books (READ THEM DAMN IT)
Find some random timing to discuss Romance of Three Kingdoms with my dad (before he eats me up)

AH THIS IS ANNOYINGZ.

~~Dang it lah, if not for stupid season, I won't have the last three things on the list. Freak the woman manzsx. :@~~

~~Okayokayokay English and Chinese Lit here I come.~~

I'm gonna work on WSC and Debate now and leave the comp for a while :D

Song rec;

2010-01-31T15:41:00.003+08:00

#60th. (: How about a song rec! :D

Footprints in the sand - Leona Lewis

You walked with me,
Footprints in the sand,
And helped me understand,
Where I'm going,

You walked with me,
When I was all alone,
With so much unknown,
Along the way,
Then I heard you say,

I promise you,
I'm always there,
When your heart is filled with sorrow,
And despair, I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand.

I see my life flash across the sky,
So many times have I been so afraid.
And just when I, have thought I lost my way,
You gave me strength to carry on,
That's when I heard you say,

I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled
With sorrow and despair
And, I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand.

When I'm with you,
Well I know you've been there,
And I can feel you when you say,

I promise you (you)
I'm always there
When your heart is filled (when your heart)
With sadness and despair (and despair)
I'll carry you when you need a friend (need a friend)
You'll find my footprints in the sand. (I promise you)

Ohh. (I'm always there)

When your heart is full of
Sadness and despair, (and despair)
I'll carry you when you need a friend. (I'll carry you)
You'll find my footprints in the sand.

Uhh mmhhh.

Leona Lewis (choir)

And of course, the poem (:

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?”

The Lord replied,
“The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.”

-Mary Stevenson)

PRAISE JESUS! (:

2010-01-28T15:45:00.002+08:00

I'm blogging illegally in school! :D As usual. YMCA later for SL and I'll be home at like dunno which donkey hour. So I think it would be good if I do my homework. Sigh I'm here actually to do this random quiz but I somehow ended up here hmm.
OKAY OKAY OKAY I promise to go off soon.
Considering that there's much to do.
I don't feel like doing Chinese RAWR. And I think I should finish the music reading asap hmm.
Having said all that, I should go off. (:

Waitwaitwait.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DE! (L)

2010-01-27T15:46:00.002+08:00

Game was alright woman decided that maybe she should use the stats that we did so here I am compiling everything ah ah so many things to do stats clit crazy's girl present + card tuition wsc debate things AHHHHHHHHHH okay I think I'm going to leave the comp on for MH only byebye I think I will not run and get fat for just today AH WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO DO annoying byebyebye.

Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPHNEW! :D

2010-01-25T20:24:00.004+08:00

I feel like murdering WuYou now cos her card almost made me cry. ):
(Er. Not literally.)
No matter what happens, I'll love my awesome centers forever. (:

I thought training today was quite fun. Too.
Batchmates are loved ttm too (:

Nothing much. I think I lost my planner. I'm sad. ): And I don't feel like studying. I'm having a headache.

Alright, bye.

P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZHANG KAIWEN DEAR FRIEND! (L)
Promise me nothing can get between us, and hope today has been awesome! (L)

2010-01-24T08:06:00.001+08:00

As I looked through my archives,
I really miss playing and having fun with my batch.

Which is basically impossible now.

2010-01-23T23:29:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday Cheryl. (:

I think this is one of the funniest convos in history:
Y: Hey do you want to share present for Kaiwen present? (okay I think this is very obvious) It's on the 25th (thank me manz free publicity) and I was thinking of getting her coloured pencils (:
W: O.o I have a box of brand new colour pencils! Which I will not use alr. Oh ya and you owe me 15 bucks from obs shirt! Haha.
Y: Oh okay! Yay we can give that to her heehee. You know you got the wrong shirt...i wanted the polo tee haha. But nevermind! Eh give me that as bdae la lol. (Sorry lah cash low.)
W: Yay okay! :) oh really. Oh. Oh yea your bd was during my obs right! [No] wonder these days I was like whens yufei's bd ar where got so late de? Hehe ps. (Awwwww. But well. A bit blur lah hor. xP BUT I LOVE YOU ANYWAY! ;D)
Y: Lol okay. So do i still have to pay you? Lol. (Don't mind the shamelessness tvym)
W: OOOH OH OH OH! Thats what you meant! Haha sorry I a bit blur blur. :) (sure boh, a bit. xP) ya ok then your bd present!:) happy belated 16th birthday!:D
Y: Lol haha thanks. (: and thanks for the shirt hahaha.

This is what we call CLASSIC WUYOU. (:
But whatever crazy stunts she do, she'll still be my dearest bestie (L)

Anyway I thought the studying plan was quite failed with AHEMsemiAHEM waking up when I was about to leave Bugis. Well it was spent mostly talking about WSC. And I MIGHT BE GOING FOR WSC. Me happy very :D I'll work really hardddddd heehee.
Anyway back to gathering. As in, if you counted that as a gathering, it was quite good :D YAY ME LOVES HMCA TEAM. ;D Meet up soon! :D

Alright, it's getting late, I'm sleeping.

2010-01-22T21:41:00.002+08:00

So. It has been indeed wonderful to feel that one more week of school has passed (:
And my timetable has very obviously failed me.

So how about a list of things to do over the amazingly short weekend? :D
English: AA research. Like a ton of it.
Maths: Assignment
Chinese: Si Han, summary of last year's stuff
(Amazing I don't have any Sci or Lit homework yay)
SS: Read the damn thing
RS: Analysis of the last two questions
SL: Damn proposallllll I freaking hate mercy relief laaaaa.

And I really hope tomorrow's studying will be pretty much conducive and productive! :D

Anywayz. This week has been bad. But well ended off on a good note. I thought training with CDiv was much more relaxed. And since I don't really have to bother about how well I play; just to enjoy the sport and lose some extra fats. So I guess was quite a good one.
Oh, and they've won both games. Yup. Anything else, go ask them yourself.

And special mention to BESTIE! Thanks for being here for me this entire week. Love you dearest! (L)

Alright. Maybe I should do something about my AA.

2010-01-21T18:13:00.003+08:00

I think it's time to deviate from my personal tragedy and look into the tragedy of someone else.

Nope, I don't really know her personally, but I'm equally sad. I know she's an awesome teacher. I remember she interviewed my for PSB. And yes, her smiles. I will never forget how they managed to calm me down so so much. Though I didn't get in, but I clearly remember enjoying every moment of the interview.
And all those times that she invigilated us and everything else. It just shows how nice she is.
But life's unfair. In Chinese there's a saying that the good people don't survive long.
But I truly believe it's because the Lord feels that this is not a place for someone as nice as her. She's too nice to go through the troubles, the wrath and everything of this world.
And though she might not be a Christian, but I still believe the Lord will take care of her, because she's just so special, so...NICE.

Damn, just thinking of ljx told us about her, how she's so approachable, how she has so many brave yet practical dreams,
I'll feel this close to crying.

Friends, stay strong. She's with the Lord now; and He will protect her from all harm.
Anything, 8 numbers is the trick. I promise to always be there for you! Maybe not to solve your problems, maybe not to bring her back to life.
But I promise to lend a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. Cross my heart.

God, we send her with love to You, and we believe You will take really really good care of her. (: Even in this situation, I still want to praise You, Lord.

2010-01-20T18:47:00.000+08:00

I have changed my opinion.
I told you that I don't want to do it anymore.
But since you force it on me, I think I shall compromise.

Nope, I'm not going to go there and be a monkey and disrupt your training.
I'm just going to go there and embarrass the shit outta you.
I'm going to be stronger, faster and more accurate than ALL YOUR PLAYERS ADD TOGETHER.

Maybe not this training,
Maybe not the next,
Maybe not in 10 trainings.

But I believe, one day I'll make you REGRET the decision you've made on 16th January, 2010.

2010-01-18T19:38:00.003+08:00

Hey guys.

I know I am freaking you guys out, appearing tired, restless, sad, whatever. I'm sorry. I'm really trying to be more positive, but I just can't. Really. It seems like this BIG part of me has gone wrong and my life's screwed. I don't want to stop going for training, stop believing and stop being with my team. I don't like it, really. Though I'm not bonded with them, but it really hurts just thinking of them.
I am tired of carrying that face saying that no, I don't care at all. When in fact, I do.
But I am also afraid of letting my heart out to hope again. I don't want to fall as hard as I am now. I feel broken. Literally. I don't want to break again.
But having said that, I'm really thankful for all your concerns (: I know you guys are concerned, and I know you guys are quite freaked out and don't really know what to do with me, but I'm trying my best to be fine. Well at least, look fine and feel fine. But I guess I really need more time.
Whatever. Do anything man. I just want to stop screwing up my life.

Serve you right yufei. Who the hell asked you to dream so high? Didn't you know that the higher you dream, the harder your fall? Who are you to blame anyone huh. Useless thing.

2010-01-18T16:49:00.002+08:00

I just realised that one of the reason why I've been crying so much,
Is not just because I can't play, not because I'm anguish, or whatever,
But because from the moment I've decided to do it,
It means I've to force myself to cut off from all of them.
ALL of them.

I really don't think I can do it.

2010-01-17T06:29:00.000+08:00

I really didn't want it to end this way.
All the hopes, all the dreams, now broken by the cruel reality.
Damn it, it hurts.

And nope, I'm never gonna get over it.

Shut up, get lost.

2010-01-14T20:37:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YUFEI!
Doesn't it feel wonderful to wish thyself happy birthday? :D
Okay sorry. Cut the egoness.

Anyway. Really happy today :D

I want to thank JULIA, JASMINE, LINGZHI, SEMI for staying up to send me an sms at 12mn :D
I want to thank my AWESOME CLASSMATES for all their well wishes :D
I want to thank AMANDA, ZIEN, ANQI, CHARMAINE, JASMINE, GERMAINE (basically my sort of a gang) for the group hug :D
I want to thank all those who gave my presents; Zhang Rui, Shiqi, Anqi, Verna, Mengdi, Emily, Lingzhi, Jiayi, RebZhang, Germaine XIEXIE they are really loved and appreciated (:
I want to thank JIAYI AND LINGZHI for spending the afternoon with me attempting to celebrate my birthday :D
I want to thank DADDY AND MUMMY for the awesome meal and just being there to celebrate my birthday with me (:
I want to thank THE SPECIAL ONES for their facebook wall posts (:
I want to thank EVERYONE ELSE who remembered. (:

Okay darn I'm supposed to post a picture of all my gifts but I can't find the damn cable D:

You're gonna say I missed Someone out.
Nope, I didn't. He's grand finale (:

I want to thank GOD for this privilege to celebrate my 16th birthday. (:
For without Him, I won't have came to this Earth.
For without Him, I won't have survived thus far.
For without Him, I won't have been to where I am now.
For without Him, I won't have been who I am.

Thank You God, for making my day. AMEN!

On a side note. HMCA debuts TOMORROW! ;D

2010-01-13T15:48:00.002+08:00

TOMORROW IS AN IMPORTANT DAY. :D
Don't ask me why I'm so ego.

Anyway today was okayish nothing much happened ponned training cos I seriously haven't fully recovered and have screwed up the selections for this bilingual speech competition thingum blahhhh but I still hope I somehow miraculously get in hahaha.

Anyway thanks rebzhang I think I'm going for another HMCA-ish conference soon hurhur I'm super excited about HMCA btw though I think I'm like the least prepared whatever blah that shall be on my agenda after my nap :D

Anyway. BELIEVER IS THE LOVE MANZSX. I totally adore Believer and I truly believe that I'll see a breakthrough in both me serving and personal worship. PRAISE THE LORD!

Alright. Byebye.

2010-01-11T18:07:00.001+08:00

Don't ask me why I'm at home blogging. I'm sick that's why I'm not at training. And I left training because coach promised not to teach anything new since it's like selection trials today. I thought that short training I had was bad. Kinda miss awesome centers I bet they're having fun at OBS. Class today was okay just a lot of homework. I hope I can still go to school tomorrow, especially tuition and 1st believer course. I hope I get Jasmine. I have so many things to do, but the first is to take med and sleep for a while first. Please wish me luck that I will be able to recover fast and finish all that I have to finish. Happy Birthday Charmaine (10Jan) (:

2010-01-09T22:00:00.002+08:00

Training was really really tough. Like I really almost died. First time did I felt so much like collapsing on the ground instead of running a mere 5mins tsktsk. Ah wellz. Bathed in school, signed up for believers, had mos for lunch and went for HMCA.

Damn, I'm missing my HMCA teammates already D:

Hey team,
It has been like close to one entire month since the time we've started being together as one team, training and killing brain cells over gigantic issues. I still remember not really talking to many of you until the team lunch. Yeah I think that really bonded us together! Yeah but sadly, now that we're getting much more bonded, HMCA is ending. Gosh time really flies! D: Yknow, sometimes I don't want it all to end; I'd really rather it goes on forever.
Why do all good things come to an end D:
Seriously, I really almost cried when Mr Leong was giving us his vision for us, hur.
"You know, when you guys first enter into the hall, people may not notice you. They may even look down on you. Like who are these weird people in vests? But once they hear you all speak, tell will be so SCARED by you guys and would want to find out who you guys really are. (:"
Ah D:
I don't care. Even after HMCA, we must still have team outings. Night Safari ftw! :D Cos the love doesn't end here.
CHENHUI CHUIYANG CLARENCE DAYNA DESIRAE GLORIA KITLEA REBJ REBZ SEMI SHANICE SHERLYN YIWEI (L) YOU GUYS FOREVER!

I'm celebrating my birthday tomorrow, yay :D

2010-01-08T20:55:00.002+08:00

I thought today was quite good. But not the amount of homework that's piling rawr. Chem was super funny. Lunch at pastamania with Anqi and Charmaine (: Training was not very tiring cos it had been raining. Season's starting in 2 weeks and I'm super scared/stress that 1. I won't make it into team again and 2. if I actually did I won't be able to perform well and thus bringing the whole team down.

Ugh. I think I'll just have to leave it all to God who's ALWAYS GREAT! :D

On that note, my mum's finally verdict: GREEN LIGHT to BELIEVERS! ;D
I'm telling you, BEYOND HAPPY OMGOMGOMG. Thank God, thanks mum too! :D I think my testimony touched her. (: I'm so glad that He was there to put the right words into my mouth heehee. PRAISE GOD! ;D

Oh, and I am super glad that we've made up. (: Like really really happy and relieved. Can we promise each other that nothing will ever come between us again? Please?
You won't ever know how much you mean to me, friend. Thought nothing could come between us, but something eventually did.
Really hope that would be the last time. Lets make that true! :D
Love you, friend (:

And yes, what will I do without you guys, my awesome centers? (: Really. We'll be best friends for life. BFF! (L)

And to end off,
(8th Jan) HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JULIA MY PRETTY FRIEND! ;D ;D ;D I think you were really happy today. Stay cheerful! (L)

2010-01-07T17:05:00.002+08:00

Oh, and (6th Jan) HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUNHONG. (:
Just a tradition. It's Julia's tomorrow :D

2010-01-07T15:37:00.002+08:00

No I didn't run away from school. Third day of school only and I'm having massiveeeee headache. Migraines. It has been close to a gazillion years since I last had them and they had to come back. Annoyingz.

Team wasn't announced after all. And yesterday was kinda my official worst day so far. Whatever I don't feel like elaborating. Cos I've cooled down to the point that I'm starting a cold war. I don't really care whether you care or not yeah. I'm just starting it cos I don't want to talk to people like you. Okay yes, my second enemy?

Oh and we've got homework already. How excellent. And talking about which I should remember to ask my parents to print things out.

Shit the headache is coming back again. What the hell is wrong with my head rawr. I'm going to sleep again bye.

2010-01-05T20:25:00.002+08:00

First day of school was good. It's nice seeing new people and grats much to De for getting vchair AGAIN haha. Sitting next to Gio and De now. (: Poor Gio, when season starts, she's gonna sit on her own ):

Went for believer assessment today. I was quite amazed that I actually managed to get into advanced worship dynamics I and got assessed by Caleb's teacher haha very funny we talked a little about Caleb too made me pretty jealous of him cos it was apparent that she was really proud of Caleb (well partially because of me HEEHEEHEE ;D) And now I'm really keeping my fingers crossed that I'll be able to go for it cos my mum's so wishy-washy I think she may change her mind again ah.

Anyway there's TRAINING and LESSONS (like DAMN LIT) tomorrow I'm as good as dead how awesome. I think team's gonna be announced tomorrow. Damn. I always hate moments like this. Really hope I won't wind up crying or walking off. Ugh I'm super not looking forward to tomorrow. Seriously.
D: Someone save me.

-

~~Damn it damn it damn it I hate it when life's filled with so much problems.~~

You know how much I wanted to make you proud in the past. I used to practice everyday just because you said so. I used to try so hard figuring out the chords that I go to sleep dreaming about them. Just because you said so.
Then you left me, left my life and left me crying, hurting; you torn me apart.
And when I was finally healing, telling myself it's okay, I can go on without you, you came back.
So what now. How are you going to expect me to trust you again?
How do you expect me to do you proud again?

You used to a nice person in my point of view.
But with that line of yours, that's it.
No I'm no longer fuming mad at you.
Just disappointed. And hurt.
Cos those words cut like a knife,
And the scars remain forever.

I feel like screaming.

2010-01-04T21:00:00.002+08:00

#1 There's school tomorrow (!!) though it's gonna be a lame day.
#2 I'm going for believer assessment tomorrow though I might not be getting believer anymore.
#3 I have tuition tomorrow ):
#4 I don't know if there's training tomorrow awesome.
#5 I'm not wearing house shirt tomorrow.
#6 Wii is tiring to play.
#7 I'm going to school tomorrow with Lingzhi.
#8 Bye. I WANT BELIEVERS LAAAA D:

2010-01-04T17:55:00.002+08:00

Batch lunch with Mr Ang today. Was quite fun I guess. Reached slightly late, talked and walked around Wisma with Anna Angie Li Yong Iliana, met Mr Ang, Ivana and De at Crystal Jade, Went for Alvin and the Chipmunks and homed.

[will insert picture once IVANA LOW uploads the pictures (:]

#1 I love Theodore FREAKING CUTE.
#2 Thanks to Mr Ang for the lunch (:
#3 Thanks batchmates and Mr Ang for the day (:

Idk what's wrong with me. Mood's screwed. Maybe it was the things we talked about.
Maybe it was those things that happened, those things that still casts shadows in my life.

Idk. Just think that it's like the last lap for us. Just doesn't feel right to stop running now.
Maybe I'm reading too much. But I don't feel that determination anymore, especially comparing to the old days.
So it was really not just me.
And please tell me I'm not the only one who still wants to get it, at this point.
Please. Run this last lap with me.
Together.

On a side note, democrats are evil. Sorry but they are. Hell difficult to craft out a bill from their point-of-view damn.

-

Stop living in the past, yufei. It is killing you, devouring you bit by bit.
It's time you give yourself a break from all the shadows over your life and move on.

Yes, I was this close to tears again today.
Damn it.

2010-01-02T21:54:00.002+08:00

I have some things to tell you.

1. MY MUM'S ACTUALLY LETTING ME TAKE BELIEVERS OHMYGOSH ONE OF MY NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS FULFILLED BEYOND HAPPY ;D

2. The school's timetable is BEYOND screwed. Like SERIOUSLY we have crazy teachers so many I don't know let see
English ANGULLIA but nevermind I still have TLL.
Maths Wee-LimYH WHO THE HELL IS THIS I MISS MR LEEK ALR D:
Chinese TeoCH PLEASE JUST MURDER ME.
Bio ChiamCL WHO IS THIS LAAAAA.
Chem NgKL (please tell me it's just me but WHO THE PONG IS THISSS.)
Physics SharonSiow Old teacher yes heard she's nice but idk who she is so. No comments.
CLit LiJX please murder me again.
SS Azahar I heard he can't teach.
PE Desmond Hi De we're as good as dead it's either me or you who's gonna be the PE rep.

3. HMCA team rocks (: Seriously, I enjoyed today's lunch and company and I think we've definitely bonded. GO TEAM! Love you guys (:

4. Bye.